.untitled.

its when i'm sitting alone - my heart feels its pieces coming undone all over again.

when will this be over?

.refocus.

there are days where the heart feels stronger than ever.
everything seems do-able and everything feels "meh"...

then there are days where you simply can't ignore that tug in your heart.
its all you can feel, like a toothache.
it consumes all your emotions and leave you feeling like "if this doesn't work out, i have no other reason to live"...

:'''(

there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
i just need to focus on getting to that light without crumbling.

mondays are hard.
i wish i can switch off everything and just cuddle him for 10 minutes or so.
i'm sure that'd make me feel better.
the only problem is, what happens after that?

i can't dismiss all my thoughts, feelings, hurt, disappointment and doubts that i've formulated in the last few days. i'm certain all those emotions have a valid basis, and it would be in my/our best interest that i DO NOT forget them.

after all, one can't remain in a relationship and possibly be happy (for the rest of their lives) with all these live issues scattered around.

the bridge is looking harder and harder to build now.

.greener grass.

just finished watching "the last song" by myself...

it made me wonder..

why can't all relationships be like that?

I want to be loved like that too :'((

***

.second chances.

my two cents.

I think it's definitely true that you only know what u've lost when it's gone...

but I also think... when that happens, being granted a second chance after that "realization" may not be the best thing.

this thought is specifically referring to relationships - and the thought had come about when I was listening to Taylor Swift's "Back to December" where she sings about regretting for not realizing she was with someone right until it was too late, and now she's hoping to turn it all back around.

... fact is, as sad as it may seem, and as lucky as you may think u are for being granted a second chance - often time, these "second chance people" would soon realize the relationship is no longer the same, and will not be ever again.

... he wont love you the way he did, or do the things he use to do. even if he does, he probably wouldn't be doing it with the same level of emotional intensity or commitment. he won't look at u the same and say the things he use to - because the sad truth is, when u left him behind and made that "wrong" choice, he would've been effected in some way (many ways) too - causing his perspective of u to change. can you blame him?

then, naturally one or both of you will feel this change and that's when the sad reality kicks in.

one thing you'd soon realize is that you're no longer innocent n pure in his eyes. u're no longer the one he'd set out to love and protect with his life - because the fact is, you're now, in his conscious or subconscious mind, someone who has and potentially will hurt him.

it doesn't matter that you know you won't - he's different now. what you thought you had a "second chance" to have and hold and cherish is not was it was anymore.

which then makes you think - the only reason you realized he was right was from recalling all those times you spent together before, and the things he did or said that you now realize were words so precious and right for you - all the things that had made you fall for him (now) and realize he's "the one"... all the things you've realized just a little too late.

and like i've said, its because of what you've done to him - he's now changed.

so what now?

some who realizes this would walk away (again) with a deeper wound - and possibly hurting the guy (again) MORE than you already did.

while some others... well, some try to stay optimistic that the guy before still exists, and they wait. and when things go bad (clearly indicating things are different now) they end up blaming themselves for it - and therefore stay, whether because of the hope that it will go back to how it was before or as self punishment by thinking "i'm the one who made him change and the one who messed us up"...

so.... should one really be feeling lucky to be granted this "second chance"?

to end this on a positive note though, i'm not saying all "second go" is doomed to fail. i can most certainly work for some - but only those who realizes all the above and tells themselves to restart. both of them. restart their expectation. restart the 'impressions'. restart their mind set of each other's behaviour. restart the relationship as a whole.

as long as they take everything as a fresh start n learn to love the person for who they are now, instead of what they remember of how he was before, i think only then it can work. keep the good impressions and banish the negatives. release the need to feel guilty or as a victim. keep the communication line open. trust is what matters most, so make a pledge that issues of trust can always be discussed openly and without judgement.

but that said, never compromise your happiness.

good luck.

.hey andy.

are you still stalking my PRIVATE blog? :)

xox

.seeing the light.

... at the end of the tunnel.

here's my attempt to be positive:

sometimes its good to lose all support from the people you love and thought you can rely on. because only then you are reminded of how strong you have to be - and can be.

***

.tsal ot siht tnaw.

!yppah os m'i

.taht sezilaer eh epoh i

!oot yppah sa tsuj mih ekam ot tnaw i esuac

(:

!dessorc sregnif

.a simple song that touched my heart.

i love this song somehow...

:~)