.to shut up, or not shut up?.

*sigh*

Summer school started and left me no time for anything.
Thus, I have been very cranky.
Aside from not getting enough sleep,
I feel as if Im not able to spare time for anything else.

Twice in the last 4 days,
This has been my routine:

1. I wake up at 7am for class at 9am. (and can still be late)
2. Class ends 4 straight hours later, and I have lunch with friends/Groovy.
3. I go home and get changed for work.
4. Then I get home at almost midnite and feel exhausted.
5. I have something to eat, then take a shower.
6. I attempt to study but gives up becuz Im too tired.
7. I fall asleep at 3am, and wake again at 7am.
8. Steps 1 to 7 repeats.

The other two days,
One I had 7am class, then came home and slept till 10pm,
Then I did my laundry and etc.
and the other, (saturday)
I got up at 1pm and studied,
Then got dressed for work at 6.30pm until midnight.

Something BIG happened on Friday nite.
I lost my cool and got pissed at my female boss.
I made it pretty obvious,
cuz I snapped and refused to hitch a ride with anyone,
and walked off to take a bus by myself.

As if that wasn't bad enough,
The next day at work,
I was confronted by my male boss,
and I lost it again and pissed him off.

I just got an email noting some changes that they'll be making on cleaning times and that they'll have more staffs during weekends to lessen the individual jobs,
Which goes to show that what I said did impact a little,
BUT,
That also mean Im in deep shit.

I know I went too far by voicing out the way I did,
Besides,
Who am I to question and correct and go against the authority rite?
And I shouldn't have lost my temper,
Although I did manage to keep up my usual customer service standards.
But I dont know what came over me.
I just went crazy.

But honestly,
Part of me thinks I did the right thing.
Considering all the sh*t I put up with and had bottled up...
It was high time I leashed out.
(and trust me, Im pretty sure Im not the only one with these feelings!)
BUT on the other hand,
I wish it wasn't ME to leashed out and created all the mess.

Groovy said I'll be walkin on thin ice from now on at work,
and I can really imagine how awkward things would be.
He also suggests that I should quit my job.
As much as I wish things weren't this complicated,
A part of me thinks Groovy may be right.

*sigh*
Need to get up at 11am tomorrow,
and its already almost 5.30am.
Bloody group meeting... *sigh*

.have u ever?.

Ever been in a state of mind where you're just too numb to think?
and your heart just feels too numb to feel?

Exam just ended...
And next wednesday is already a new semester for me.
Tomorrow (Monday) would be my last day to party,
cuz I've got a 3:10 - 10:00 working shift on Tuesday.
*not looking forward*

There's a dance party tomorrow.
SHould I go?

Then again, I feel so lazy.
A big part of me just wants to curl up in a ball and be alone.
Im feeling so numb.

There's sooo many feelings that I should be feeling right now,
But all I can feel is numbness.
I dont know if its because of me being tired,
or me being lazy, or me being in denial of whats really going on.

.things ive done so far.

After my exams yesterday,
These are the things I've done so far:

1. Wrote another crappy song.

2. Got offered to go back to Msia.

3. Got MISLEAD into believing I could go home this summer.

4. Convinced my sis to come over for summer instead.
(she's coming!!)

5. Bailed on Groovy. (Suppose to go shopping at DFO with him)

6. WORKED 6 HOURS.

*sigh*

.holding in the excitement.

In 5 hours..
I'll be sitting for my last paper.
Bless Me.

.not seeing what people see?.

I like this top.
But people seem to think differently.

When I wore this top out for dinner once,
Groovy said:
"So which prison did you come out from?"

He was kidding...
But c'mon,
I know better!
Like it or not, 50% of a joke is always true!

Am I really not seeing what people are seeing?

(I know the horizontal lines brings out my roundness,
but lets try to see beyond that...)

But really,
It isn't only this top.

Sometimes when I dress up and feel good about how I look,
People tell me,
"Are u feeling sick today? You look weird."

And instead,
When Im in no-mood at all to dress up,
They tell me I look nice.

???
Am I missing something?

BY THE WAY,
A message to Ivan Lean...
Im not POSING with the phone,
I really was on the line with someone.
(just in case u're still stuck in your poser-fetish lala-land)

.im so tired.

Im feeling soOoo Blue.

ALTHOUGH ManUtd bagged another 3 points last nite,
and Ronaldo was the star again,
Today Im feeling awfully gloomy.

Last night I sorted out my medical law notes for the exams,
and I just realised that 4 days might very well be insufficient for me to cover it all.

I've not done well in the assignment,
and another 20% is yet to be determined based on my tutorial participation.
The exam is 60%...
and so far, I need at least 40% to pass this course.
40/60...
Chances are soOoo verry sliM.

I might as well start crying now.

.a declaration.

Just a sudden urge to say this out loud:

"I HAVE A WILD HEART"

- I am looking forward to the day when I can say,
"Im over it. Its time to settle."
But just a seconds ago,
I realised..
"Nope! Not yet."

*lol* I suck.

.the spot near my left eye.

Here's an update of that "Green Bean" sized spot next to my left eye.
I think it's even bigger than a 'Red Bean' now.

Thank Goodness I have a fringe that drapes right on top of it.
So it would look so obvious that I've got that disgusting spot.
*sigh*


I went to see a doc today.
James forced me.
But when I got to the clinics,
They were all fully booked until tommorrow.
And I dont have time to see them tommorrow,
cuz that'll be my last day to study for my Friday exam.

*sigh*

Then I've got work on Friday night.
Hmm.....
I hope this spot stops growing,
then slowly fades!