December 12, 2007

.any better?.

I found Mahfuz.
He's in Shah Alam; Working.
I miss him so much.
Not surprisingly,
We had heaps to talk about.

Thats the only good thing about life lately.
The rest can bite the dust.

I hate this holiday.
I absolutely HATE this holiday.
And I hate it even more knowing that going back to Aus probably wouldn't be much better either.
F****** *** ** * *****!!!!


December 8, 2007

.kk updates and downdates.

SoOo... my trip home has taken a down turn.
The last week,
I spent accompanying my dear uncle Kah Chin at his bedside.
3 days ago,
He left us.
I can only wish he rest in peace,
and may only the wonderful things be with him in his new life.

So the whole week has been different.
But I'm glad to be able to be there for my family.

Just a couple of hours ago though,
Jimmy and I were texting.
I realize I do miss him.
But again,
Something he said just disappointed me.

Rite now,
like right this second...
I feel kinda numb.
I'm getting the "I don't give a damn" feeling.
I don't give a damn about Jimmy that is.
Or more like,
"Jimmy and I".
A huge part of me wish I can go back (to Aus),
Start life without him as my boyfriend,
and still be happy.

Whilst another part of me is afraid that I would wake up tomorrow,
feeling nothing but "I miss him" bugs.
(and I'd be back in the 'he's really not that bad' phase)
I hate that.

Especially now.
Right now,
When I think of him,
All I can think of are the reasons (strong reasons) why Jimmy doesn't deserve to be my boyfriend anymore.
I just need to find a way to make sure this feeling sticks.
Because honestly,
I don't see any changes in him.

And no changes (after the reason why we broke up) means...
If we get back together,
I'd still be given the exact same treatment,
I'd still have to put up with his same old antics, (those I dislike)
and I'd still continue feeling "I can soooo be treated better by someone else"...

Wish me luck.

Btw... I hope my KK holiday gets better.
I might be able to meet Wayne.
Remember Wayne?
*heart melts*
He might be visiting me in KK for New Year.
If not, he told me his work is transferring him to Melbourne.
Wayne back in Aus!
That means it'd be easier for us to meet again!
And according to our last convo, (a week ago)
He thinks me and him might still have a shot. ^^

Oh... and I've met Shafeeq.
Our day out together was great.
We took a walk down memory lane,
and even relived a few past memories. *ehem*
although what you're thinking COULD be right. HAHA!
(die with the suspense u!! die!!)

aaaaNd I'm due to meet Kelvin Chee soon.
He booked me for Xmas.
He mentioned something about a mistletoe?
*blur* - Yea rite I'm blur! HAHA!
Sorry, I meant...
"Mistletoe?? Whats daaaaat?!"

Check in with ya laterz bloggers!
*wink wink*