.second chances.

my two cents.

I think it's definitely true that you only know what u've lost when it's gone...

but I also think... when that happens, being granted a second chance after that "realization" may not be the best thing.

this thought is specifically referring to relationships - and the thought had come about when I was listening to Taylor Swift's "Back to December" where she sings about regretting for not realizing she was with someone right until it was too late, and now she's hoping to turn it all back around.

... fact is, as sad as it may seem, and as lucky as you may think u are for being granted a second chance - often time, these "second chance people" would soon realize the relationship is no longer the same, and will not be ever again.

... he wont love you the way he did, or do the things he use to do. even if he does, he probably wouldn't be doing it with the same level of emotional intensity or commitment. he won't look at u the same and say the things he use to - because the sad truth is, when u left him behind and made that "wrong" choice, he would've been effected in some way (many ways) too - causing his perspective of u to change. can you blame him?

then, naturally one or both of you will feel this change and that's when the sad reality kicks in.

one thing you'd soon realize is that you're no longer innocent n pure in his eyes. u're no longer the one he'd set out to love and protect with his life - because the fact is, you're now, in his conscious or subconscious mind, someone who has and potentially will hurt him.

it doesn't matter that you know you won't - he's different now. what you thought you had a "second chance" to have and hold and cherish is not was it was anymore.

which then makes you think - the only reason you realized he was right was from recalling all those times you spent together before, and the things he did or said that you now realize were words so precious and right for you - all the things that had made you fall for him (now) and realize he's "the one"... all the things you've realized just a little too late.

and like i've said, its because of what you've done to him - he's now changed.

so what now?

some who realizes this would walk away (again) with a deeper wound - and possibly hurting the guy (again) MORE than you already did.

while some others... well, some try to stay optimistic that the guy before still exists, and they wait. and when things go bad (clearly indicating things are different now) they end up blaming themselves for it - and therefore stay, whether because of the hope that it will go back to how it was before or as self punishment by thinking "i'm the one who made him change and the one who messed us up"...

so.... should one really be feeling lucky to be granted this "second chance"?

to end this on a positive note though, i'm not saying all "second go" is doomed to fail. i can most certainly work for some - but only those who realizes all the above and tells themselves to restart. both of them. restart their expectation. restart the 'impressions'. restart their mind set of each other's behaviour. restart the relationship as a whole.

as long as they take everything as a fresh start n learn to love the person for who they are now, instead of what they remember of how he was before, i think only then it can work. keep the good impressions and banish the negatives. release the need to feel guilty or as a victim. keep the communication line open. trust is what matters most, so make a pledge that issues of trust can always be discussed openly and without judgement.

but that said, never compromise your happiness.

good luck.

.dear john; sobs.

i watched "dear john" today and walked out of the cinema feeling like someone just stabbed me in the heart. i must've started crying half way into the movie, and it didn't stop thereafter.

perhaps the 'saying goodbye' and 'i hope to see you again' parts hit me a little too close to home.

its my personal weakness. and i imagine i keep getting weaker on the subject every time i have to say goodbye to yet another person i care deeply about. 5 times now. the whole airport scene and the 'try to smile through the pain so he doesn't worry about u' mandatory act... mmmmm.... not pleasant at all.

back to the movie: i wouldn't say its the best. the notebook trumps without a doubt. but it was still heartfelt. definitely tugged at my heart strings and left me feeling blooody emo after. :(

not a fan of the ending though. could've smoothened that out a bit more... or even cut it out entirely and left it at that emotional peak. if you watched it, you probably know what i mean. i don't wanna spoil it for anyone else.

would i recommend it? - if u enjoyed "the time traveler's wife" and absolutely looooved "the notebook" - YES. :)

now, should i watch "remember me"?

.scratch out that checklist.

dont go looking for someone who will tick all the boxes on your checklist...

... because most people don't really know what they really want (or what is honestly good for them) anyway.

thats also when i believe you'd have a greater chance to realize/meet/notice someone who would come into your life and write that checklist for you, AND tick all those boxes at the same time :)

... and when you're fortunate enough to have that happen to you, promise yourself you would love them as hard as you can in this lifetime (feast of love, 2007), because you never know how long (or short) that time may be.

"don't be afraid to love and lose, God made our hearts so brave for a reason."

xox

.two is better than one.

i witnessed something today and had yet another thought about relationships. bear with me kids, i do have other thoughts. I just chose to post about this one because... wait, who's asking?

sooo, moving forward...

I realised another reason why human should come in two.

adding on to what the movie "shall we dance" has said - that everyone needs a witness in life - I kinda feel, everyone also needs someone who understands and knows them enough to speak up/help/give explanations for them when they cant.

now, let me explain with this real life scenario...

today, lady A was telling lady B how she thought lady B's husband was rude to her on the phone. lady B listened and then very naturally jumped to her husband's rescue and started explaining how he's been really stressed about some personal matters and asked for lady A not to take it personally. lady A took what she was told into consideration and instantly felt less offended by what happened.

... and thats what i meant. someone who understands and knows exactly whats happening with u when others don't; and would care enough to explain to others when you cant. and i think thats sweet.

definitions

*two = could also be a very good friend whom you share everything with;

*understand = understands how you usually tick, how u react to things, how your emotions run though your mind and how you'd act when put under different types of pressure and conditions;

*knows you = knows what is really happening with your work, friends, family, health, etc because what happens with/to you is part of them too. :)

but thats just me. :)

---- i got drunk dialed as i was typing all this. i wonder if thats a sign of some sort. hmm. ok, will not over analyze.

goodnight world! x

.the man and umbrella theory.

in light of the recent super crap weather in brisbane, I formed a theory. yes, eyes rolling is allowed if u must.

anywayy....

I recently sought shelter underneath a random dude's umbrella (just to cross a road to the next shelter) when I noticed.. i waited to find a guy with the biggest umbrella. reason being, I wanted to make sure that he had enough for both him and I if he agreed to take me under.

this made me think - shouldn't that be the prerequisite for choosing a partner in life as well?

u know, finding someone who has enough for himself and would be happy to share some with you without leaving himself in the rain - instead of someone who can't give you enough that both your shoulders have to be sacrificed to accommodate one another. or worse, leave himself in the rain just to make sure u're fully sheltered.

honourable yes, but it shouldn't have to be like that.

what say you?

.food for thoughts.

With every break up, you wanna make sure you're new (again) and "Improved" for the next relationship.

Not broken.

So, until you figure out what you're taking (and able to contribute into your new chapter with that new brilliant person) ...and what you're going to leave in the past, hang tight and be good to yourself.

No heart should have to rush from one train wreak to another.

.time to realize who's boss!.

it feels like the beginning of a new era.

... and here's a girl who is and will continue to try her hardest to have a complete and full life - great family, great career, great romance, great friends n unconditional self love :)

although... i think to achieve this, i'm seriously gonna have to be more stern and picky with how I spend my time. after all, if u want it all, you will have to make enough time to embrace it all, right? - it can't work otherwise! :)

well, balance is the key. balance with my happiness that is. now... how's this? - less thinking about how my decisions would make others feel, and more asking myself whether i'd feel happier making that decision. (so technically, i'm not gonna do bad to u, because that won't make me feel happy either - so don't worry, i'm not turning into a witch. yet.)

(major selfish statement alert!)

besides, if you haven't already realized, many people DON'T think of how their actions/decisions would make others feel... so why am i always worrying about theirs? :) - whoa. that felt good. good going sherlene! *pats back*

but truth is, life is too short, as my dear friend Aaron has reminded many of us.

so from today, i'm gonna live my life like he did. with unquenchable laugher, limitless fun and with utmost self belief. cuz in the end, thats how you know you've done your best - for YOURSELF. and at the end of the day, that's what counts. :)

prabhaks - your strength will continue living in many of us, buddy. you've taught us all well. i won't ever stop missing you!

taken: 20th january 2006.

.reality ouch-ess sometimes.

some people can't accept that the hardest part isn't finding out whether he's the right one, but rather to accept that he isn't.

I turned 25 a couple of days ago. not sure what it means to me mentally or emotionally, but what I do know is - from now, I'm gonna try harder to be better to myself. you know, to really look out for ME.

my NY's resolution is to "not sweat the petty things" - and perhaps, "not pet the sweaty things" as well. :) I'm thinking that should be a good place to start, right?

I also feel this year will be alot about cherishing friendships. my recent trip home has definitely made me realize the importance of friendship, both old and new. many bonds were restored and strengthened - and it just made me realize how therapeutic it can be for the soul.

afterall, no one should walk their lives alone. isnt happiness best when shared?

:) thank you for blessing me with true friends. ones who would love me for my shortcomings and make the extra effort to continue doing so when it gets hard. xox

.extreme my arse.

here's a recent observation that has made me realize exactly how important "moderation" is. I've noticed that when a person particularly appears to have a particular dominant trait, they end up being the worst of the exact opposite of that said trait...

it's almost like they just suddenly felt "screw this. I'm over being (insert good trait)" and suddenly decides to act out, directly conflicting with who they were before.

IMHO... those who claims they are an extremist (or tries/want to be one) of something are either in serious denial or are deep down unhappy but too proud to admit it.

here's what I mean in the most simplistic way -

the one who's the "nicest" always end up saying the nastiest things. not the "never thought she'd say something like that" type of nasty but the seriously nastiest thing. almost like they've been holding the words back in their time of being "nice" and now they don't care and is letting it all out.

others are such as -

1. the most permiscuous one ends up mindlessly falling the hardest;

2. the one who never had a comment ends up being the most judgemental one;

3. the toughest one ends up falling into depression;

4. the virgin Mary ends up becoming the slut;

5. the good kid, under "too much pressure" ends up becoming the drop out who's at the brink of an OD at the alleyway;

6. the obedient kids end up going against their parents in the most cruel/hurtful/forceful way;

of course not all of them.. but u see what I mean. people who almost forces themselves to live a certain way or be a certain way almost always end up "giving up" and heading towards the opposite direction...

is this all because we don't practice moderation or because we're in such denial of who we are because we don't admit we can't possibly live up to the expection we've set for ourselves?

I always try not to use "never"... it helps keep the conscious clean - and it helps make u look less like an idiot at the end of the day.

... by the way, while I'm on this, let's not forget the otherrr type out there. the ones who shamelessly promotes themselves as "i never judge people" and "I never talk behind someone's back" when everyone knows they do... those are seriously the ones who make me cringe the most. look in the mirror, asshole. yes, YOU. I seriously hope he reads this.

now lastly, here's MY disclaimer - I'm in no way saying any of the above doesn't apply to me. :) and if u wanna rub one in my face, I'm calling first dibs for the kettle! so u can be the pot! :) xx

ps: this is just an observation... :) don't mean any harm. except to that asshole of course :)

.my theory of the beginning of a journey.

so here's my theory of "the beginning of romance" between guys & girls -

1. guy sees girl and is attracted.

2. girl sees guy checking her out.

3. she then has the choice to:

~ return a signal of mutual interest (try a shy/slutty/fun/flattered little smile before u turn away slowly - while maintaining the smile on your face - indicating and making him feel "he made a good impact on you" - which will boost his confidence at the same time); or

~ totally give him nothing (which means "you're not my type, so please stop staring")

4. aaanyway.. upon receiving a positive response from the girl, the guy should proceed with the next step of pursuit - after all, it's true that if a guy wants u enough, HE will do something - esssspecially after u've already clearrrrly given him the green light (so be cooperative girls!)

5. ... and the rest is history :)

alternatively, if the girl sees the guy first, the only difference is that the first step becomes - girl needs to catch guy's eyes first (cuz 98% of regular guys would naturally check out any girl that he catches shooting him some attention) n then, just like that... the process starts over again :)

*Disclaimer: UNLESS the guy rules her out from the get-go... (cuz lets face it girls... we can be fab, but it happens - he's married, he's seriously in love with his partner, he's gay or... sigh, u're just not his type.)

:) hehee.. ok.. I've bullshitted enough. don't throw rotten tomatoes at me.

.my list just got more serious.

4 years ago... i wrote a list (for fun)... i reviewed it a year ago and still believed it. and whether its healthy for me or not, i still think that list is bloody awesome.

... because despite what others may believe, i honestly and sincerely believe i found him. a guy who really pulled off becoming "the closest to perfection". its almost like he read the list and programmed himself to suit.... *....hmm - naaah...* but go figure.

since then... i learnt more. *yeap, you can shake your head in disapproval now* - but in all seriousness... from my recent adventure, i actually found more... "essentialties" in a relationship. [...yes, i created that word - pronounced 'essential-tees']

now, u don't have to agree with me, but here goes -

***

1. find someone you that makes you want to give them everything, not to show them how much you care or to prove your love for them, not even "because they deserve it", but because you honestly can't tell yourself not to.

2. find someone that you can trust to never give up on you because you failed them or yourself or the relationship; someone who would instead pump in more effort and energy to make things right for the both of you because they know u're in this together, especially when one is momentarily weak.

3. find someone who would stand up for you against any negativity when you need them to, in a way that shows they honestly believe in you and your ability and strength, not because you can't stand up for yourself, but because they can sense your vulnerability in your silence without you having to express it.

4. find someone who would, despite whatever they believe in, always make you feel assured and confident in their special affection and care for you, especially when it matters most.

5. find someone who sees you both as one against everything else; not meaning to rob each other of the ability to stand on your own and be independent, but as one against anything that tries to break you two apart.

***

now i really can say goodbye to finding mr.perfect, huh?

thats alright, i'll feed my soul with a successful career and be one of those woman with no soul and a steel heart. hey... that could come in handy in some areas of law, don't you think? ;)

.i'll be your voice.

this may sound sick to many people, but i can now clearly state that -

i find true pleasure and enjoyment in speaking for others.

whether its telling someone else's story to another person for the person (sheensie-poo gets a lot of me doing that...) or helping them argue or make a point... i'm there! :)

like, taking recent examples: i'd listen to their problems. they'd ask for my opinion as to what i'd do in their situation. instantly, i'd say something along the lines of... "i'd say..." - and then feel, yea, that sounded really good. i think that'd do the trick. - which would then give me a strong urge to WANT TO SAY IT FOR THEM...

full of sh*t? smart arse (like ivan)? bloody nosy? or perhaps, born to be an advocate? ;) hehee... either way, i find it amusing. whats my problem, right...? :P

note: u don't have to find it amusing too.

."she's such a slut" - says who?.

i dont know if every girl does this, but when you look into your past school year book, you're somehow able to point out certain girls with whom you'd attach this comment to -

"she was a bitch/slut (back then)."

it got me thinking, what exactly is it that makes a girl a bitch or slut back in those days?

upon posting that question to some of my girls, i concluded that everyone has a different reason. and here are some that came up -

1. she was a bitch because of the way she snobbishly stared down at people.

2. she was a slut because she was always throwing herself at guys.

3. she was a slut because she had gone through so many different boyfriends throughout her years in school.

4. she was a bitch because she snagged someone else's guy.

5. she was a slut because she was having sex or doing sexual things at that age (teen years).

6. she was a bitch because she spreads lots of gossip about others.

7. she was a slut because she always wore her skirt too short.

8. she was a bitch because she's always speaking her mind without caring about other's feelings.

9. she was a bitch because my best friend says so.

10. she was a bitch because she hooked up with the guy she knew i liked.

11. she was a slut because everyone knows she cheated on her boyfriend!

... and the reasons continue.

*hmm*

personally... i think its safe to conclude that, no matter what you do or how u act or who you are, like it or not, you're a bitch/slut to somebody - as per their personal definition of those words.

so, my rule (for myself) is to:

make an effort to be nice/good/respectful (in my definition) to others and myself, closest to the social norms/standards of my community; and if thats still not enough for some people, meh. i can't please everyone now, can i?

DISCLAIMER: i wasn't referring to anyone or even myself when i opened that discussion about bitches or sluts in school. :) - although others may beg to differ. :P

.ohhhh how i hateee petty arguments!.

don't u hate it when you argue with your boyfriend and then receive an sms, but then realize it ISN'T from him?!

don't u hate it when you try to make peace with him but things end up worst than you initially left it?!

don't u hate it when you have to go to bed angry at him?

... and further angry/annoyed/disappointed because you know that you can't possibly make peace with him before bed without having to suppress your true feelings about the argument?

don't you hate it when you realize things could've gone differently if you both just calmed down a little bit more and reacted or handled things better?

don't you hate it when a petty issue escalates into a blog-worthy argument, AND ruins the good day you both had together?

don't you hate it when a good day ends badly?

I DO!!! :(

.some PERSONAL asian men turn offs.

in my OWN and VERY OWN HUMBLE opinion...

... i think oriental asian guys who has nice buff looking bodies absolutely SHOULD NOT CARRY BAGS WITH COLOURFUL LITTLE TEDDY BEARS HANGING OFF THEM... because it just looks so stupid. come on! whats up with that??

some kinda trend where you try to pull off looking macho and cute both at the same time?seriously??

you've got the manly body! u've got it! its ever so rare! so work it! BE A MAN!! not a snob, but a man... be funny, be crazy, go nuts... but leave the teddies at home!

... ALSO, whats up with those big and loose round collared t-shirts? i dont mean the shirt is loose, i mean the round neck collar... that big, loose, old looking collars... its like he's been sleeping in it the night before, if not the entire weekend...

but ANYWAY...

im sorry to sound so critical. MAYBE some of these looks work for some asian men, although i bet it'd only be for the really genetically blessed ones. (ie: those with cute/hot faces to begin with, so they can dress up in ANYTHING and still look good)

and the only reason i blogged about this tonight is because i admittedly checked out some cute looking guys on the bus today, and remember thinking "hmm, some asian guys can actually look really hot"... BUT then i was thoroughly disappointed when i saw his bag with the little teddy bears. and another dude with that disgusting/unflattering collar.

perhaps its their girlfriends' way to keep girls away. a little method called "MAKE YOUR BOYFRIEND LOOK RETARDED"... well geewiz. it works!

ok. the bitchiness ends here. goodnight.

.our seventh month.

2nd cervical cancer vaccination today. i have to say, ouch! despite loving the needle/injection sensation (as always), this one quite surprised me. i felt the needle through and through, and felt the ache (like a post-first-time-playing-badminton muscle ache) seeping into every corner of my upper arm...

good thing i had my support system. the boyfriend. :) he made it! was by my side the whole time, looking more worried than i was. so schweet. :)

also, its our 7th month anniversary. whoa. 7 months! :) we had our ups and downs; moments we wanted to kill each other; moments we wanted to bitch a hundred years about each other's annoying habits and antics... but regardless, viola! at the end of the day, we're here. AND HAPPY. :) :) making up is awesome. - and not forgetting, he bought me another awesome gift! [pictures might be posted later]

this saturday, im attending his work's BBQ. apparently we'll be playing a game of touch football. yep, you didn't read wrong. ME. TOUCH. FOOTBALL. *laughs nervously* Will definitely keep u posted!

ps: Sheensie is graduating tomorrow!! CONGRATZ!!!! xxoxoxx

.needed: a pillar of strength.

i've found two important requirements / conditions / characteristics [among many others? ;)] for a guy who wants to be my guy [long term] -

1. i need him to be very sure that he really wants to be with me, because that will give him a solid reason to fight and work hard on keeping us together when things get rough. even IF i lose faith [i can be weak that way...], he'd be strong enough to fight for the both of us, trusting that if he hangs on, i'll follow his strong lead [which i will]. afterall, relationships are hard work. so if he can lead by example? :) be the man?

2. i need him to love me more than his pride. i don't want a wuss or a guy with no stance, but i dont want a guy who would rather hurt me deeper than necessary [in a regular couple-type argument] just because he can't set his pride aside for a second to give us an opening to reconcile; cause YES, i am quite stubborn. so i really need him to be a little less, cuz usually, if he can just start apologizing first, [childish, i know] i will usually follow suit! hence... i need a guy who'd not let his pride come between us, even when mine does.

THERE! too much to ask already? heheee....

p.s. who posted a comment as erwann in one of my older posts?? so not cool dudeee....

p.s.2 HAPPY BIRTHDAY IVAN!! :)

.sherlene's jewellery theory.

after almost a year of being in the 'jewellery industry'... i've learnt that a piece of jewellery looks different when displayed and when you actually try it on. its true! [IMO anyway!]

hence! putting together the two things i think i know 'a fair bit' about, i came up with this catch phrase -

"jewellery is like men. you don't know if it'd suit you until you try it on."

feel free to object. ;)

.how we strike-out men.

last night, my girls and i dived into a few bottles of bubbly to celebrate... umm... sheena's graduation? lol a mini pre-celebration anyway. :) it was nice. straw in a champagne bottle... woot woot!

ANYWAY...

a few weeks ago, i learnt something cute. apparently, im not the only one who "tries to picture myself making out with the guy" before deciding whether i wanted to date him.

here's how it works:

if i see myself feeling weird or worse, disgusted at the idea of making out with the dude, its a straight "No thanks!". if not, i'd consider. and if i can imagine myself completely enjoying it and even looking forward to it, it's a definite yes. :)

my girlfriend [i shall not name her] even said, "i pictured him naked, and thought, 'ewwww...'."

*strike out!*

so yea. haHa! i thought this was such a guy thing to do... but hey! apparently other girls do it too!

.happily never after?.

watch this movie when you're in your mid to late twenties. when you're thinking about marriage and commitment. when you think you're ready for marriage and all you see are rosy beds leading you into your awesome future with your one and only. ok, maybe dont watch this movie.

see, i dont know if this is reality... but it sure as hell makes your head (mine) spin. i know i knowww... real life is not a hollywood movie. and relationships? c'mon... mum and dad did it, why can't we, right? *sigh* honestly? i dont know...

people are just so different nowadays. we care more about having excitement in life. we're more competitive and greedy. more easily bored. we're harder to satisfy. easier influenced by our peers and surrounding. we're smarter with excuses and justifications of our 'wrong' actions. we just want all we think we deserve.

and ok ok, maybe not YOU. but, what about that person you chose to spend the rest of your life with? you may be sure that you won't. that you're satisfied. but how about them? how can you be sure he/she feels the same? that they're equally committed? that their head is as straight as yours?

that's right. you don't know.

good luck.