...I miss Wayne...

Still feeling tired today.
And I broke my heel...
The heel on my stiletto, I mean.
Sigh.
Its my last good pair.

I recieved 2 testimonials from Wayne today.
Remember Wayne?
The hottie I mentioned in an earlier post who use to be my hsemate?
Well yeaa...
He wrote me 2 testimonials on Friendster that totally made my day.
*lol*
He's such a sweety.

It made me recall many funny memories.
Wayne was really cheeky.
And not to mention a lazy bum!

*recalls the time when Selina and I use to wake him for class.*

Us: *knocks door* "Waynee?! Are you up?!"
W: *in the most awake voice* "Yup!"
Us: "Ok! Don't forget class!"

Then we'd come home after class and realise Wayne didn't make it for his.
Why?
Because he overslept.
*lol*

He was my first housemate after coming to Australia.
Selina and I knew him as "Sherman's best friend."
We heard alot about him before he moved in,
And was quite intimidated.

We heard he was a playboy.
A VERY CUTE one, as you can imagine.
We also heard about the time when he slept dead,
and there was a fire in his room...
The firemen came to put the fire out,
and he didn't even know.
We tease him about that all the time.

Wayne drove a bike.
An orange Kawasaki Ninja.
Made him look even more dangerous.
Sexy dangerous of coz. *lol*

I remember those times when he'd take me around on his bike,
to Sunnybank's 7-11, to and from uni, to China Town to buy a helmet...
He also brought me along to test out a friend's bike...
Apparently I was there to test the passenger's seat... *lol*
And we even thought of riding up to Mt Coot-Tha...
ooH... which reminds me of that promise he made.
He must've broke it by now.
haHaa...

Then there was those times when the 4 of us would play CS together.
Cuz we all have our own laptops,
which are connected on LAN,
(or whatever they call it)
And we'd be killing each other from our rooms.
I remember how Wayne always got head shot...
and I'd hear a loud "F**k!!" from his room.
haHhhaa...

"How to lose a guy in 10 days"...
That was Wayne and I's first movie at a cinema in the City.
That was another very sweet night.

And I use to bugged him about his smoking habits all the time.
Stole his ciggies just to make him smoke less.
And also limited him to 3 boxes a week,
which he agreed to.
I use to doodle on his ciggie boxes...
Keeping count on his weekly limit.
Dont know how well he kept to it tho...
He must've had to bum alot of cigs from his friends,
if not secretly stash boxes in his room.
(I kept the last box *sobs*)
















ooH... and Wayne is really strong too.
Once, he had to carry a 58kg gal up the stairs because she had a stomachache and couldn't walk.
MIND YOU,
The gal isn't still 58kg!
and she was only 58kg becuz it was her first winter in Australia and she overate to stay warm!!
*blush*
But anywayz,
That was one really sweet moment.
(aside from the fact that I probably almost killed him or broke his arm)

Wayne and I stayed up to chat on MSN alot.
We lived under one roof,
But we still chatted to one another from our own rooms.
It was sweet.

Wayne was always there for me.
When I broke up with my boyfriend (now ex, obviously),
he was there to offer me a hug and a shoulder to cry on...
Did I also mention that Wayne gives the best hugs ever?
I can't describe it.
But his hugs are really really warm.
*smiles*

Then Wayne had to leave us.
Hmm...
Just when I thought things were perfect.
Just when my dreams came true.

Good times dont last hey?

.Tired lil' Me.

Dear Sherlene,
Here is your single's love horoscope
for Monday, May 29:

You know you need to change your thinking about love and romance,
at least a little, but you've been resisting it for some time.
Right now your mind is flexible enough to accept almost anything.

--

what do u think that means?
Hmm...
People better not read this and try to take advantage of me.

Have to be honest,
Ive been feeling pretty vulnerable lately.
I thought it was PMS...
But if it was,
It should have ended today.
(if you know what I mean)

But Im still feeling the same.
PLUS Im extra tired.
Both physically and mentally.

Hmmm...

.I do realise.

Have you ever felt like you're on the wrong path in life?
And you just cant seem to steer yourself back on the right one?

Have you ever felt as if everyone around you disagrees with what you're doing,
Particularly your current lifestyle,
But they love you too much to tell you that you're wrong?

Have you ever felt like you're letting your loved ones down?
Making them worry about you?

Have you ever felt like those who loves you have to suppress their true emotions when they tell you,
"I'll support whatever your decision is."?

And you know deep down,
that what you're doing isn't rite?
And you know they're only there because they love you,
Not becuz they're agreeing with what you're doing?

*Embarrassed Sigh*

I cant promise any changes,
But I do wanna appologise to those who worried,
those who cared enough about me to support whatever lousy path I chose,
those who had to keep their true emotions away from me,
those who made a effort to reserve their possible hurtful comments,
those who didn't have the heart to hurt my feeling,
those who loved me and only wanted to see me happy...

Im truly blessed.
Im not deserving,
But definitely blessed.

.The Devil in SMSes.

Another tiring day.
Hmm...

Today I went window shopping for a sweet World Cup outfit.
Was kinda lookin for a Portugal women's shirt,
or best yet, a sweater.
Couldn't find any.
There was Portugal's men's jersey,
but nothing else. *sobs*

I did something rather silly last nite.
For some reason,
I missed Shaz alot.
Really wanted to see him.
I typed an sms...
Intending to send it to him,
Sounding dumb and very much vulnerable,
Telling him I needed him...

Fortunately I caught myself right before I sent it.
The devil and the angel inside me was really battling it out.

"Should I?" or "Should I not?"
"What would happen if I sent this message?"
"How much more complicated do I want this to get?"
"What would Shaz think of me?"
"How would I make Shaz feel?"
"Selina would kill me."
"Everyone else would kill me."
"Why the hell am I so stupid?!?"

At the end,
I was convinced...
I settled for:
"Okay. Lets just try to make it through tonite.
And then, when you wake up tomorrow,
We'll see how you feel and we'll decide then."

So I saved that sms in 'draft'.

Today is officially the night after.
How do I feel about that sms now?

Cant deny it.
Part of me still wants to push that send button.
Part of me really do still want Shaz.

So...
Just for tonite,
I'm deciding that I'll keep that dumb sms in my stupid draft,
And try to make it another night.

Besides,
Its just winter.
Its only just cold.
I dont need Shaz.
..... do I?

*OH MY GOD...
Shaz just SMS-ed me!
And the content of his sms...
I can't tell u.
Lets just say, its scary.
He's reading my mind.
HE REALLY IS.

.Excuse My Complains.

Im so pissed.
Im so moody.
Im so angry.
Im so annoyed.

Nothing BIG happened.
I just walked outta my house to the bus stop,
Rushing to get to class,
and suddenly realised I left my mobile at home.

Then I tried fishing for my lip gloss and realised I left it too.
My lip gloss and my mirror.
And I need the mirror cuz I used the wrong mascara,
And something is hurting my friggin eye!!!

After getting on the friggin bus,
I realised I didnt have my MP3 player with me.
I friggin left that at home too!!!

And the weather today wasn't as cold as yesterday,
which defeats the purpose of my sweater.
But I cant take it off,
cuz I've got this top on which makes me look very fat in!!

ARGH!!
Without my handphone,
I cant call friends.
Cuz I was planning to watch a friggin movie tonite.
Otherwise I wont be able to watch any of the 4 movies I wanna watch this weekend becuz I hav to friggin work!
Then I logged on to the cinema screenings page on Yahoo,
and realised that Final Destination 3 has been taken down!!
&%%^%&*(@*#^@!!!!

So yea.
Im pissed.
Im annoyed.
Im mad.
Im so bloody irritated.

I skipped a lecture today.
Now I've got 5 minutes to get to my next one.
And I've not printed my notes.

IM SO TEMPTED TO GO HOME!

www.lovetest.com

I was just surfin' around,
Got bored,
and decided to visit an old site I use to go to (alot) back in High School.
Its called:
http://www.lovetest.com

I typed in the first name that came to mind.
: Sherzali Herza Asli.

And the outcome?
haHaa... I found one thing really funny...
This was our horoscopes compatibility:
(Me, Capricorn and Shaz, Libra)

For Capricorn:
CAPRICORN & LIBRA:
You will be mesmerized by the sophisticated Libran, but that is about as far as this amalgamation will go. You will also tire of the lazy Libran's ways.

For Libra:
LIBRA & CAPRICORN:
It's difficult for the Goat to accept your inactivity. Physically there is a powerful attraction between you, unfortunately it is seldom lasting.

*lol*
I couldnt help thinking how true it sounded.
(no offence to Shaz)
If only he was here so I can show him.
Then again,
He might think its bogus.
(and I dont think he'd enjoy being called 'inactive' - lol)

ANYWAY...
The results of my love test based upon my answers?
You really wanna know?
*lol*

Ok ok... let me first say,
I have taken this test many times in this life time,
And there were occations when I took the test with the same guy's name.
Inserting similar answers,
But recieving a different outcome.
So yea, this test thingie isn't accurate.

But from how I see it,
I usually tell myself that whatever results they give me is by Fate.
And no one should go against Fate rite?

Say, u like a guy.
You take this test.
The results say:
"He takes you for a friend."

Eventho the result might not have resulted directly from your answers,
I believe that there's still a chance that Fate had set you up with the answer you got this time around,
You get what I mean?

So yea...
This time around,
The test result for Me and Shaz was:




LoveTest Questionnaire Analysis:
Sherzali Herza Asli is your perfect soulmate, Sherlene Lee Jing Wen!

*drops dead*

.Message from the Stars?.

Dear Sherlene,
Here is your horoscope
for Thursday, May 25:

Why keep hoping that things will change?
You've hung in there long enough.
It's time to head in an entirely different direction.
Do it soon, and you'll salvage what's left of this situation
-- and you'll gain a whole lot more.

***
Time to head in a different direction?
Could that be referring to mua lifestyle?
O.o

Im an ArsehoLe...?

Zara grabbed me a copy of the QUT Student Guild Magaine today.
As I was flipping through it,
I found this article about:
"What You Degree Says About You"
It was written by a dude called Scott Forbes.

My comment on the article?

FcuKin hillarious!! *lol*

Just what I needed at a stressful time like this.
And here's what he said about fellow law students:

********************
Law [arseholes]

Lets face it, law students are the dickheads of campus.
It seems as if they live to make arts students detest them.
(Suit-wearing, dreadlock-despising, Johnny-loving fancists)
This student group base their pride pm three simple things:

1. Knowing words that no-one else can pronounce or understand.

2. Being able to gloat about the assets they will inherit,
and not have to earn, eg: "My dad's yatch..." or "My dad's Merc..."
or "My dad's penis..."

3. The salary they will earn in their first year out of uni.

So, on the basis of this conclusive evidence,
I encourage all students to dislike, distrust and disgust law students.
- I mean, we're going to do exactly that once they're lawyers.

... this probably isn't the best time to mention that I failed to get into law right?!?

*******************

*ROFL*

Grab a copy of the CirQUTry if you wanna see what he said about ur faculty.
It could be worth a good laugh.

Thier webbie: http://www.guildonline.net/page.asp?name=Issue2
You can probably find a hard copy at Level 4 of S Block.

Thats where Zara got mine.

oH... and in a small box,
He make a small list of his "surface-level observations"

Blonde Female = Journalism/PR
Wearing the latest from Vinnies = Fashion
Male, total disregard for fashion = IT/Engineering
Dreadlocks and armpit hair = Arts
Appears startled by daylight = Accounting

LoL
This dude is sick and totally fun at the same time!

Mike, do tell him I loved his shyte!
*lol*

Ironic;

I got this in my email today...




Dear Sherlene,
Here is your single's love horoscope
for Tuesday, May 23:

It's a weird time to be you,
but it is leading up to some serious positive energy.
You may be feeling frantic about how work or school is keeping you from romance,
but soon you'll see that the opposite is true.

***
Even the stars are detecting my insaneness.
0.o

What do u think the last sentence mean?

"The opposite is true"?

Women Talk; and Men...?

Hey,
Its 4.51am and I have 2 things to share.

One,
Is my sudden realisation that it is indeed a fact that "Women Talk"...
BUT, what people failed to realise is "Men Talk too!"
And Im not sure Im too comfy with that idea.

I wonder why people make a big fuss about how women talk,
But totally ignore the fact that men is capable of yapping too.
Issit becuz women puts on emphasis on their stories?
Thus creating an impression that its juicy gossip?
Not to mention the enthusiastic responce from the recipient of the stories.

While men on the other hand,
They just talk about their stuffs to buds like its the weather?
And because they're so nonchalant about it,
Their stories arent considered 'talking'?
Cuz I can so imagine one dude telling another dude,

Dude 1: "I only had pizza for dinner. And I slept with this chick from that pub we went to last weekend. She's Hot. Oh hey, I was thinking of hitting the gym later. Up for it?"

Dude 2: "Yea. Gym sounds good."

While a girl's version of the story would sound more like,

Girl: "He bought us pizza! And he ordered my favourite flavour!!"

Her friends: "awww... thats so sweeet!"

Girl: "Then he.... he... *blush* He said I was the most beautiful gal he's ever seen. Then we... we..."

Friends: "Oh my god!! *claps hands on mouth* You did notttt!!!"

Girl: *nods shyly*

Friends: "I can't believe you!!! *all laughs in unison* How was it like? Was he good?"

- and the rest would be up to your imagination...

-----------------------

But do you get my point?
So is that why people say "Women Talk"?
Because of the way they tell their stories?
Issit becuz its more detailed?
Cuz guys can be pretty detailed too sometimes...
Especially if they just scored with a chick all his buds drool over.

Anyway,
I hope I'm wrong.
Cuz I would very much prefer to know that men dont talk as much as I think.
Whether they're drunk or whatever,
I'd truly prefer a guy who can keep his mouth shut.
Leave what happened in the bedroom, IN THE BEDROOM.

And dont draw any assumptions that Im hiding anything,
Its just a general "hope" that men isn't as gossipy as I imagine.
Cuz trust me,
I've met quite a few gossipy men in my life time.
But one can only hope they'd know what to share and what to zip up about.

The 2nd thing I was gonna say is,
I found a song that suits my current lifestyle...
(Its lyrics of coz)
Its an old song by Jennifer Paige,
Entitled "Crush"...

http://www.lyricsbox.com/jennifer-paige-lyrics-crush-dvtr73j.html

.More thoughts on Relationships.

Are there any basic requirements one should have before they get into a relationship?

For example:

One must be ready to spend in terms of,
- money,
- time,
- emotions.

* Money:
- Anniversaries,
- Birthdays,
- Phone calls, sms-es,
- Random Lets-Go-Out-and-Have-Fun days,
- Dates,
- Just-to-see-you-smile gifts,
- Random Surprise-gifts,
- His best friend's birthday,
- His mum's birthday...
etc.

* Time:
- At least 10 minutes on the phone everyday,
- Big days where u spent the entire day together,
- Movies you wouldn't have watched if not for him,
- Cuddly weekends,
- Time in bed, *ehem*
- Hours on the phone when he (or you) have news, problems, gossip, hormones imbalance, or he misses u too much and wants to listen to your voice a little longer (and vice versa),
- To sit around your room, thinking up ideas on how to make him happy,
- To sit around your room, day dreaming about him,
- Spent in bed alone, imagining him with you,
- Listening to sappy love songs that make you think of him,
- To talk on the phone with friends ABOUT him,
- Spent crying when he says or does something that upsets you,
etc

*Emotion:
- Spending too much time together leaves you less time for uni,
which would stress you out. So there's stress.
- Making efforts to meet up and be together despite each other's busy schedulle,
that takes extra energy.
- Expecting him to say things, do things, respond in a particular way,
and he doesnt... that causes unecessary disappointments.
- He buys you something expensive and you feel the need to repay him,
you'd feel uneasy. (This links back to Money)
- He gets you a diamond necklace for your 1 month anniversary,
You bought him a t-shirt... You'd feel cheap.
- He's in the mood for some luvin'... but you're not,
He tells u he understands, lets out a sigh and goes to bed,
You'd feel sorry.
- He's in the mood for some luvin'... You're tired... But horny...
You end up making urself even more tired than you already were!
- You love him, Your parents hate him,
And that leaves you where?
- He was fine yesterday, but today he's acting weird,
Blowing hot and cold, You can't figure out what you did,
That makes you anxious.
aaaand etc etc etccc...

*********

Well...
I know Im thinking too much,
But its undeniable that these REALLY the things that would happen once you're in a relationship.
I see all these happening around me all the time!

And thats enough to scare me shitless.
All I can think of is:

"I DONT HAVE ALL THAT."

I dont have the money,
I dont have the time,
And I dont have the emotional capacity.

At least not now.

So when will I be ready?
After all, life only gets harder...
Would that leave me single forever?

or is it true when people say,
"When You're In Love,
All these arent seen as problems anymore."

.PMS is No Joke.

Remember how I've been complaining about my wrist?
That it hurts from work?
Cuz...
U see...
My part time job requires me to scoop gelati,
and the friggin gelati can be very hard sometimes...
Specially taro, durian and double choc...
BLOOODYYY double choc!!!!

But nwayz, its been hurting for weeks now.
And I've been massaging it...
Thinking it would get better,
LOOK WHAT HAPPENED NOW.
















The white boxes are bruises...
"Blue blacks" as people call it.
AND IT HURTS...

Now, every morning when I wake up,
I feel as if my hand would fall off anytime.
And if it didn't fall off,
I would WISH it will...
If that would get rid of the friggin pain.
I need a hot pack...
Maybe, as Janice said, that would cure the pain.

SIGH.
U know what I noticed?
Every month when its a week to my period due date,
I get really bitchy and complain-y.
Not to mention extra emotional...

Say, if someone said something offensive to me last week,
and they say it again to me NOW,
I am very sure I would respond differently.

2 weeks ago,
I'd wave it off and think,
"haha whatever. what a lame-arse."

But TODAY,
I'd probably get all upset,
Show that emotion on my face,
Stomp away and not talk to you until I'm "willing" to force some sense into myself.
heHheee...

So yea.
PEOPLE.
SHERLENE IS EXTREMELY TOUCHY RIGHT NOW.
DONT MESS WITH HER UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE THAT THE COAST IS CLEAR.

ArgH...
I wanna watch Final Destination 3!!!
Please keep it in the cinema at least until this weekend!!
And American Dreamz too!!! *sobs sobs*

I Hate Assignments.
(see? Im complaining again.)

.A GaL of My Standards.

Just got home from work.
Reli tired.
Wrist hurts... still.

Watching Sex & The City again.
Its reli not my choice...
Its the only nice program on.

ANYWAY...
I was thinking,
Are there really specific places to meet men?
Cuz thats what Sex & The City is about right now.
I wanna know...
Are there really places that girls go to meet men?
If so... Whereabouts?
Pubs? Bars? Concerts? Libraries? Church? Parks?

Okay,
Lets scratch out pubs and bars and clubs,
cuz most guys u find there wud probably be up for one nighties.
I can't provide those.
Sorry.
(ps: Are there still guys out there who wants to have fun,
but do not expect sex?)

Concerts?
Hmm... Well, that could be a good idea.
After all, if you both are at the concert,
It shows common grounds rite?
Both of u could probably sing and dance to the same music.
But that really depends on what kinda concert rite?
Rock concerts could be for 'less mature' guys...
Jazz concerts 'could be' for boring men...
(*lol* dun mind my generalization. I could be wrong.
And dont get me wrong, I love rock and jazz music.)
Hmmm...
But when u come to think of it,
How often do concerts happen?

Hmm...
What about coffee shops?
Lets say u see a cute guy at another table.
How do u approach him?
Hmmm....
Buy him another cup of whatever he's alredy drinking?
Ask him if u can sit with him becuz ur friend stood u up?
Eye him from the opposite table until he notices u?
Doesn't sound like the things Asian girls would do.
At least most Asian girls wont.
I dont think I would.

If I was hotter, I might.
haHaaa...
Then again, hot girls dont need to approach guys.
They get enuff attention to last them a lifetime.
Thats one thing I'd never experience.
MuaHhahaa...
Yea, I can be pretty modest sometimes.

So yea, are there reli places to meet men?
Decent men that would wanna know u better?
Men that would reli wanna be with u for u?

How often does that come by huh?

Well... I'll tell u what...
Despite my 'very' limited attractiveness,
There have been guys who had given me such feeling.
Guys that I felt reli did like me,
Who reli did wanna be with me.

But I blew them off.

Either becuz there's no future,
or becuz I didn't feel the same way.

But reli, I wanna know...
Should a girl of my 'standards' be so picky?
I should be grateful if ONE guy wants to be with me,
dont u think?

Well...
It would be a different story if I felt like the guy had "settled" for me,
In a sense that...
You'd know if a guy had settled for u,
either becuz they're lazy to keep looking,
or they're tired of rejection,
and they want to have a girlfriend,
and you're the only girl who responded,
So they decide to 'settle' with you.

Well...
Im sure the few guys I've been with had not.........
Hmm....
Come to think of it,
Did they 'settle' for me?
Did they.....?
Hmmm.........

.Turning Into Samantha...?

One question:
"Have I been watching too much Sex & The City?"

Cuz here I am...
Watching another rerun of season 5 in my living room.
Its on Foxtel (paid tv).
I've watched it at least 5 times now...
But Im still here,
With my arse glued to the carpet,
And my sight moving up and down from the tv to my laptop.

Is this tv show effecting me more than I think?

The main reason why Im bringin this up is becuz...
Jez now, I was watching this bit where Samantha Jones was messing around with this dude.
She was havin lotsa fun with him.
Then suddenly,
The dude said he wanted to get to know her better,
and keep seeing her.
Samantha Jones frozed.
And I couldn't help feeling,
"I'd freeze too."


Suddenly I realised...
As you guys could probably see from my last few posts,
Im turning into THAT kinda girl too.
Not Samantha Jones exactly,
But the kinda girl you see in Sex and the City.
The type who just wants to have fun,
Committment free!
(aside from Charlotte Yorke)
And even if its not committment free,
They're probably just commit until they get bored and move on.

oH my... I am a bytch...
IM A BYTCH!!!
OH MY GODDD............

heHheee ok, honestly...
Im no shocked.
Besides, Im not THAT bad.
Im reli not!
But at this point in time,
I really dont wanna think about this.

*sigh*
I have a feelin Im so gonna regret submitting this post.
It might come back and haunt me.

To my future Guy whom I've not met,
Please dont freak out if u read this.
Im still capable of getting into a committed relationship.
I assure you.
Just.... umm... not now.
*blush*

ANYWAY...
This wasn't what I wanted to blog about.
I was actually wanting to write about music.
But I lost the mood alredy.
I hate it when this happens.

Maybe next time.
*yawn*
I need a shower and a nap...

.Ron's Getting Busy.

My Baybie is all grown up.

Currently dating Merche Romero.

A 30 year old, Portuguese News Reporter or something like that.

Some says they might be getting married in August.

He's always into older woman.

First Mariah Carey, now Merche.

Hmm...

Im older than Ronaldo too.

*ehem*

Then again,

I dont have that butt.

SIGH.

.Jumbled Up Thoughts!.

I was washing the dishes a while ago.
No idea why, but suddenly, I had a thought...

One sentence kept repeating in my mind,
"What comes around, goes around."

Suddenly I imagined myself dating a guy...
A guy who is a Christian.
(This post isn't meant to offend anyone)
ANYWAY...
I know how some Christians can be quite strong on their beliefs.
In a sense where...
If they date a girl who isn't Christian,
They might expect the girl to accept Christ one day.

Its not like I dont believe in what they believe in,
I'm really nonchalant about these things,
Altho I am deep down a Buddhist.
I believe in my religion, and I respect other's.
I dont mind attending church services,
listening to preachers, singing the songs...
(which actually sounds pretty spunky)

BUT...
I dont think thats all a true Christian bf would want from me.
I remember speaking to Iik Soon once.
He told me that if he had a non-Christian gf,
Who could possibly be his future wife,
He would expect her to believe in what he believes.
I told him,
(If I was that gf of his...)
"I would attend church and etc. I dont deny the existence of Jesus.
I respect what u respect. But don't stop me from praying to the
Gods that I was brought up to have faith in."

Iik Soon said,
"But there's only one God."

Im sure u know what that implies.

Then again, I don't blame him.
And I know he's not the only one who would think that way.
I've been to MANY Christian events...
80% of them tried their best to convert me.
(again, no offence)
And I'm not even ANYONE to them...
Imagine if I was the gf of a guy who holds such strong faith.
You get what Im trying to say right?

ANYWAY...
That then led me on to think:
"Imagine if I fell for a such a guy, which wouldn't be too surprising, cuz Christians are everywhere."
And then I thought:
"Imagine if he dumped me becuz we couldn't work out these religious issues."
Because, I dont think I would convert,
(and I wouldnt wanna pretend)
And I dont think he could live comfortably with me, not sharing his faith.

Would that leave me in Shaz's shoe?
When I told him we couldnt have a future becuz he was muslim?

And then I realised...
That could SOOOO happen.
Afterall,
what goes around, does come around!

Suddenly, at the midst of washing my dishes,
I realised Im really afraid to fall in love.
And I totally do not look forward to that day at all.

Then I thought back to a few weeks ago...
When I was getting myself into one mess after another.
Each and every mess contained a different guy.

The scary part is...
The last time this happened was about 3 years ago.
And you know what I ended up with?
NOTHING.

3 years ago,
I was greedy and selfish.
All I could think of was having fun.
I juggled around...
Twisting and turning the opportunities I had around my little finger.
At the end,
I messed up.
I lost all of them...
After that period of my life,
I ended up being single for 2 years and a half,
Not being able to find anyone right.

3 years later,
Im back in this situation.
AGAIN,
I was greedy and selfish.
All I thought about was to have fun.
At this moment,
I think I can probably say...
I lost them all again.
How did I ever managed that?

THEN AGAIN,
In my defence...
All the guys,
Back then and presently,
They were all... well... lets just say,
I dont really see them as being the one.

Hmmm...
I'd say...
'T' was probably the closest to being the "rightest".
After all,
he's sweet, he tolerates me, he makes me happy,
he's fun, we can talk, we can laugh, he's chinese,
not a Christian (referring to the possible problem as I said above)...
But my heart just did not respond.
In a way,
I wanted it to.
But the fact is...
It didn't.

So...
After all the crap I wrote above,
I think I'm concluding that...
*altho feelin' a tad bit reluctant*

IF IT MEANS NOT BEING ABLE TO FIND SOMEONE RIGHT,
AND HAVING TO BE SINGLE FOR ANOTHER 2 AND A HALF YEARS BECAUSE OF THE DECISIONS I MADE LAST WEEK,
SO BE IT!!
I HAVE NO REGRETS,
BECAUSE I WAS TRUE TO MY HEART.
AND THATS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS AT THE END OF THE DAY.

Dont Say Vodka. I'd Puke.

Last wednesday,
We had a farewell dinner with Julie.
*sobs sobs*
Julie was leaving us to go back to Malaysia.

She was our ex housematee...
And also one of the sweetest.
Then again,
All my housemates, ex or current, temporary or long term were all sweetie pies.
(Yes laaa... Lalat, u too!!) *lol*
oH wait... one wasn't sweet.
Wayne Rozario.
He wasn't sweet.
That dude was HOT.
*tee hee - griNz*

But nwayz, yeAaa... it was pretty sad to know that Julie is leaving.
She was like a second mother to me.
She's always looking after me and Selina,
making us nice food and dessert...
Worrying about me when I fall sick...
*sobs sobs*
I'm reli gonna miss her.

ooH... last saturday night,
We made Julie come over to our house.
Threw her a mini-farewell party.
With lotsa booze.

It was a fun niteee...
Smirnoff is evil.
Apple juice is evil too.
I dont even know when I passed out.

When I got up the next morning,
I was lying on the floor in my living room...
ALONE.
Apparently eveyone got up earlier and left.
*blush*
I must've looked like an idiot.
But then, at that moment,
I had other things to worry about...
Like...
HOW WAS I GONNA WORK WITH THIS HANGOVER?!

Yea... I got up at 3.30pm...
Just in time to take a shower and rush off to work at 5pm.
I was terribleeeee...
I practically had to crawl upstairs.
When I stood up,
I was swinging from one wall to the other.
Sigh.
Oh... and I also bailed on Terrence to watch Final Destination 3.
Sigh. I just couldn't get up.
Perhaps I shouldnt have said we should meet at 11.30am when I knew I was gonna have a nite of drinking!!
IM SORRRY!!!

Work was torturing...
I spilled crepe mix on the floor...
I almost broke a few glasses...
I felt my limbs work extra slow...
I couldn't even follow the lines to jot down my sales record...
SIGH.
But I made it tru the entire shift without pissing anyone off.
5pm to 10.30pm... not bad hey?
Working with a hangover and half a pack of Doritos.
I think I did pretty well.
(I didnt have time to pick up anything to eat before work)

*SHAME ON ME*

******** ******** *********
By the way, there's a few people I need to Thank (and say sorry to):

1. Those that attended Julie's farewell, Thanks for washing up and cleaning the place. And sorry for being such a bad host.

2. Lalat, for setting my alarm clock. If u didnt, I would have missed work!

3. The person who covered me when I was sleepin on the floor.
Thanks for the quilt! Becuz of u, I didn't freeze to death!

4. Sorry to Terrence and Shaz... for calling u guys at wee hours in the morning.
and I think I called Groovy too. Thank God he didn't answer.
Im already a big fool as it is!!

5. Sorry to Terrence again, for bailing u on Final Destination 3.
And thanks for being so understanding.

6. Thanks to Selina... who convinced me to take a shower before work.
I was seriously gonna just get changed and crawl to the bus stop smelling like alcohol.

7. Thanks to Emyne... for taking me to the toilet when I said I THINK I need to puke.
heHhee I must've been heavy. *ehem*

8. Thanks to Janice Lai... My little sweet Bar Boo workmate.
Thanks for cleaning up the crepe mix for me!!
And for sending me home that night!!
(and putting up with me despite being deprived of sleep urself)

9. Thanks to Tony, my employer... Who suddenly felt hungry after work,
and treated me and Janice to some Dim Sum. The Siu Mai was yuMmerz!!

10. Thanks... to myself... for making the hangover last only for a day.
*phewww*

Making Choices

I dont know which path to choose.

(1)
I can either choose the one I need to work on,
which is also the one Im not sure I have the heart to work on.
Not only the heart, but the time...
But I do know that if I can make myself wanna work on this,
It COULD be one of the most stable paths to take.
And it COULD eventually lead to a... well... stable happiness.
Safe, in other words.

(2)
I can choose the unstable one.
The one that is currently feeling exciting to me.
The one that doesn't require any planning,
or committments or definite schedulles.
The one that doesn't need my constant attention.
The one that probably suits my current lifestyle the most.
Seeing that I am always up and about,
with different people,
doing different things,
Not having any time for any serious committments.
(except for stuffs I cant get out of, like work and studies)
This goes back to the point I was making in my previous post.
Am I only "immaturely" seeking temporary happiness?

(3)
I can also choose to lock myself up in my room.
Tell myself to start living alone,
Becuz I'm messing up many people's lives.
And making things too complicated.

-------

Is this all becuz I've got a committment phobia?
Or
Is this becuz I've not found someone I truly like yet?

The thing is,
I can't imagine myself falling for anyone at the moment.
I dont WANT to.
In my mind, Im convinced that its too much of a hassle.
Relationships are... time consuming and energy absorbing.

I just wanna live everyday for everyday.
Not having to feel tied down or obligated to anything or anyone.

Yes, I do imagine myself in a fun and stable relationship someday.
I do wanna get married and have my own family.
But... definitely not now.
I dont mean the marriage part,
Of coz Im not gonna get married now...
But the stable relationship bit...
I just cant see myself working for one.

I guess the main question is,

"Is this me? Or is this all becuz I've not found the right one?"

************
At exactly 2.28am...
Option (1) has officially been written off.
*it feels reli sucky - Im sorry*

Option (3) is unrealistic.

Therefore...

Choice Made.

.Fun. Is that all I think about?!

Ever been in a situation where u see a wall in front of you,
but u still ram urself against it?

Placing that context in a more practical sense,
Have u ever been in a situation...
where u clearly have a choice on which path to take,
but u decide to walk along that path that YOU KNOW would lead u to a dead end?
Well, sometimes not a dead end,
but definitely an end that isn't good.

Is that how some people seek temporary happiness?
You know,
Like... they make that choice becuz it makes them happy at that moment,
and tell themselves that they would deal with the consequences of their actions later.

Isn't that also what people call Immature?
Is that what I am?
Or am I just another one of those idiots who are so called "risk" takers.

Hmm...
Then again, it really isnt a risk.
For something to be a risk,
there has to be at least 1% possibility that the choice made would end up good.

There's no goodness in the choices I've been making lately.
There're all merely for temporary happiness.
*yay... Its official. Im a loser*

Worst part is,
Now I dont even know what I want anymore.

Would stuffing my head into this pile of assignments make the confusions go away?
Would they erase the consequences of my bad judgements?
If so, what happens after Friday when my assignment week is over?

Currently,
I'd say...
I'm right in between the stages of being in denial and going tru a reality check.

DENIAL ---> ME <--- REALITY

argH crap...

And by the way,
I can officially announce that I have committment issues.
I dont know why,
But I cant seem to make myself settle down.

I KNOW I KNOW...
I'm not suppose to settle,
or I dont need to settle cuz Im only 21.
But that doesn't mean I have the rights to go around,
playing with feelings, my feelings and others',
rite?

But... In my defence,
there are people out there who just wants to hangout and have a good time right?
No strings attached, that kinda thing. Riteee?

But... if thats the kinda person Im gonna be...
What would I do if one day I happen to stumble upon someone I really like?
And that someone writes me off becuz he thinks Im just fooling around,
and having fun?
Worst yet,
Imagine he's also a non-committment just-here-to-fool-around freak too?
And I accidentally fall for him...
But he shoves me away,
telling me, "sorry babes. the fun's gone. now get outta da way!"

oH... and u know what people would say to me?
"HEH... KARMA!!!"

Yea. That would stink.

So... whoaa...
I'd say thats a pretty in-depth look into the future if I do happen to choose the just-here-to-fool-around type of life.
But still, I dont feel myself wanting to back off from that world.
The world full of singles, that are just there to flirt and have fun.

See what I mean about the wall?
You're all watching me ram myself unconcious into it!

My Personal DNA?

Scroll ur mouse over the colours...
It explains what the colour boxes represents.
Apparently my masculine side is higher than my feminine side.
In a way,
I have to agree.

Take the test!
Its pretty cool~

Take the Test! (click here)

My Personal Dna Report