.lets keep it light.

*randoms*

x1.
So the hols are almost over.
Funny how at the beginning of this week I was feeling very energized,
and now, I feel like I've not rested for 1,000,000 years.

x2.
Been watching heaps of One Tree Hill these few days,
aaaand throughout the holiday.
Some bits of it do make me think...
Can't exactly point out anything specific though.
(mainly cuz I dun remember)

Derek is way ahead in Season 2.
I'm still enjoying the episodes with Felix in them.
He's such an ass, but such a cute one!
I've watched these episodes before...
So I know he's gonna be booted soon.
But I just love watching him... and Brooke... together. :)

x3.
Been reading Jason Phoon's blog.
Have to say I enjoy his comic strips.
Makes me laugh out loud, and wonder where the hell he got all his inspirations.
(and the skill to draw simple figures with such accurate expressions!)
Oddly,
I also found his personal facts interesting.
Some raised my eyebrows,
While some made me purse my lips.
I guess everyone has their own surprises.
And well, surprises can be good sometimes.

x4.
Stan is yet to get back to me about 'something'.
I'm brushing up on my karate skills so I can kick his ass if he delivers me crappy news.
Then again,
In all seriousness...
I really shouldn't be stopping him from going after the best things for himself.
So, fineeee...
I'll save my karate for some other times, when he pisses me off.
But,
What if he ends up being too far away for me to ever kick him again?
Maybe I shud just kick him for fun for now.

x5.
I'm so infatuated with C.Ronaldo right now.
Well, I have always been married to him by soul,
and have been madly and obsessively craving him for more than 3 years now,
But I just recently watched a YouTube vid of his record breaking goal,
and all my Ronaldo madness started bubbling up again!
It's like my 3 years 'relationship' with Ronaldo have new found sparks!
Its like I'm seeing him for the very first time!! LoL
Goosebumps and all!!
I CanT HELP IT!!




x6.
This morning I received news that I didn't know how I really felt about.
Did that make sense?
Well... basically,
I got the news and... I wasn't sure if I was happy or sad.
Funny thing is,
I dont even know which one I SHOULD be feeling.
Does that mean I'm confused?

So... if someone asks me "How did that news make you feel?"
Do I say... "When I heard it, I was confused."?
Cuz... that doesn't really make sense.

How about, "I was confused as to how I felt about it."
Then they'll ask, "Why? Shouldn't you be happy?"
And I'd be like, "Really? I should? But...."
"But what?"
"But... I kinda feel weird, and bad at the same time."
"Why?"
"I don't know! Why don't you get outta my face?!"

=) yea. I think I know how to handle it.

x7.
SEVEN!!! RONALDO!!! =)
MU plays Aston Villa at 3am.
I hope Im able to stay awake till then.
Its been sooo hard to stay up since I started my PLT.
I hate full time working life.

x8.
Mahfuz joined Facebook.
I'm so glad. =)
I have to say, I miss him heaps.
I need to see him again.
It's been 8 years.
Just for old time's sake.

x9.
Music.
I crave Music.
I need a new soundtrack in my life.
aaaH... thats one thing I got from Peyton in an episode of OTH.
.... and I crave dancing too.
ooH... and Jason Reeve's Photographs and Memories is really good. =)

x10.
Its 12.29am now.
Might be havin lunch with Stan tomorrow.
I'm sleepy already.
Oh no.
My game!

.shit smearing.

ALERT!
Selfish me talking again-
(Maybe my earlier posts weren't due to PMS afterall! I really AM that bitter!)

You know how when people make mistakes and gets themselves into shit,
and you as the friend would console them and tell them everything is gonna be ok,
then you go on, running your life like normal,
cuz (as cruel as it is to say) it's not exactly your problem?

What if...
Your friend makes a mistake and gets themselves into shit,
and you as the friend console them and tell them everything is gonna be ok,
only to realise...
Their shit brought shit to you too?

I know the whole yarda yarda about a true friend is one who will be sitting next to you in a cell, laughing and saying, "Man, we were so stupid to do that!"

But what if you were 100% not involved in the shit your friend got themself involved in,
But the consequences of their doing put constraints over your life too?
Constraints you cannot make-better despite saying things like,
"but it wasn't me!" or "but that was not my business!"?
Constraints that doesn't even give you an opportunity to voice out for yourself?

Its so unfair.
SOO UNFAIR.
So unfair when someone's blunder ends up smearing shit on you too.
SHIT.

By the way,
Just to end the post on a more upbeat note...
I noticed something in my gmail today.
I received a Spam, and attempted to delete it,
Only to realise the button says "Delete Forever"...
**FOREVER**

What an INTENSE word to use.
So intense it actually made me think twice before deciding to delete that silly spam mail.

Forever is not a word I'd use EVER if I can help it.
"I love you forever"... Ha! What a joke.

I havent given that line any sort of emotional value since I was 13,
and judging from how society has evolved today when it comes to relationships,
I shouldn't even consider that that line exist.

Modern day society and their "modern" mentality is so screwed.
You really don't know whether its better to evolve with them,
or to end up disappointed all the time.
*sigh*

Sorry.
I guess my post won't end on a higher note after all.

.the emo me.

Sherwynna says I'm a hidden EMO.

I'm beginning to think she's right.

LoL

Truth be told,

I think there's EMO-ness in everyone.

The people who gets the label are just those who are more open with their EMO-ness.

Like Sherwynna.

HAHA.

ANYWAY...

The point of this post is really to say,

Don't you think I frown alot?

I noticed (from the pics above) that when I don't smile,

I seem to be frowning.

I'm not sure if I'm just semi-squinting from the sunlight,

or whether I'm really frowning...

But... geez...

I'm gonna get so much wrinkles.

MUCH, not MANY.

MUCH!

Sigh.

Again, unnecesary worries.

By the way,

I'm not done with my earlier posts.

I still have heaps to say about life on that lane!

Random:

Song stuck in my head: "what if God was one of usss...."

Song I wanna sing: Jason Reeves' Photographs and Memories.

MSN-ing: Jason PhoooooN & Stannie Wong

Line of the Day: "yours , is .. emo a bit" - Jason; talking about my blog.

See?

I am "Emo".

.experience; good or bad?.

I had this convo with Stan earlier...
About how I think being "experienced" in the dating department actually does a person no good.
Perhaps the grass is always greener on the other side...
But being from the "experienced" side,
This is my version of things -

People thinks the experience would give me a clearer picture of what kinda guy I'm looking for.
I don't think so.

People thinks the experience means I have more opportunity to find Mr Right,
rather than sticking to the first guy who comes along and try to make do with what you're stuck with.
I don't think so.

SEE...
The truth is...
The more you date, the more unsatisfied you'd become.

You pick out things you like in each guy you've ever dated,
and try to find someone who would fit all those small things...
Well, News Flash!
That guy doesn't exist.

Its bad enough when you have one ex boyfriend to compare your current guy with.
Imagine having 5 or 10.
The current guy is 100% doomed to fail.
Becuz there's always gonna be at least one ex who "did that better than my current boyfriend".

Then you realise,
"Ok, I can't expect to find a guy who would fit all the things I want"
(things I want = all the great characteristics I've collected from each ex)
So you tell yourself,
"Some things have to go."
(which means I should compromise = settle for less = unsatisfied)

Then there's also the issue of...
Which "great" characteristic should go?
And which should you be able to tolerate?
Either way, it's a lose lose battle...
Cuz you'd always want what you've given up.

Another thing that's bad about dating too much is also...
Each time you date someone new,
You give less.
You're less inclined to invest feelings/times/money into it,
especially if the guy shows certain characteristics, resembling an ex.
Whether it's becuz you're afraid of being burnt again,
or you think you know better (cuz you're "so experienced"),
Becuz you, Ms Smart Ass, thinks you know everything,
You tend to push away any chances of really seeing this new guy for who he is.
You know what I mean?

Now...
From dating so much,
You're bound to have at least ONE relationship that didn't end in your favour.
The relationship that leaves you thinking,
"Things would've been great if we were still together. He was perrrrfect!"
Truth is,
If they did stay together,
Things would've probably gone really bad,
The Mr Perfect wouldn't be perfect anymore...
But the relationship never got to that point,
Hence you're left to wonder.
And 99% of the time, you'd imagine it going really great if things had continued.
So any future partners you have would be compared to this "presumed" great relationship that was fortunate/unfortunate to have never taken place.

Often times,
These relationships are the short ones...
The short ones where the couples were still in their honeymoon period,
but something 'went wrong' and they broke up.
So... whats left in memory is how great it was and how great 'I think' it would always be.

Another assumption people have is...

They think the experience means that once you've settled, you would have no reason to cheat anymore,

cuz you've already 'experienced' more than enough,

and curiousity (usually the main reason to cheat) would be minimized...

Well... not so true.

The thing is... we all know that EVERYONE is different.

If you feel some sorta attraction for a person,

Whether its becuz of their looks or something they did/do/said,

It doesn't matter that "I've already dated someone from South America before" or "The way he argues remind me of xxxx" or "His smile reminds me of xxxx"...

He's a different guy.

Different guy = Different experience = I wanna go there. Period.

And Lastly,

What I think is the ULTIMATE worst thing about "experienced daters" are...

If they get into the habit of hopping from one relationship to another.

I've already mentioned "giving less"...

and when you give less,

Relationships become easier to get out of.

And what happens is,

Everytime things go bad, you would -

1st: Compare him to an ex, thinking "xxx would never have done/say that to me."

2nd: You'd think, "I can find a better guy. I always do."

3rd: You'd feel, "Its not like there's much to hold on to in this relationship anymore" (result of not giving alot - hence, not feeling much of a loss)

4th: A new guy waltz around and you think, "he seems different."

5th: You hop on to the new guy, enjoy the first 2 months together, thinking he's perfect...

Then after the honeymoon period is over, you realise he DOES have some similar "bad characteristics" of an ex and you smart-assly think you know how it'd end,

or he shows you a NEW bad characteristic, and you start comparing him to an ex who didn't have that, who now appears to be more better than your current guy... which then makes you, AGAIN, wanna move on becuz "you can find someone better".

SIGH.

Shit.

Elton's gonna be here in 10 minutes and I'm not dressed.

Laterz!

.my definitions.

Time:

Something you can never get back once its gone.
Moments calculated by hours, minutes and seconds in a day, essentially spent for things that are worthy as it is very precious.
Something money can't buy.
Something you shouldn't spend on people who wouldn't spend theirs with you.
Something people take for granted.
Something people shouldn't think they will always have "a lot" of.


Love: (undefinable - however...)

One of the most misused words around.
A word that can be used lightly in very 'light' matters, such as "I lovee this dress!".
A word that should ONLY be used 'seriously' when you feel MORE THAN a stupidly crazily and mind blowingly explosive feeling that isn't just lust for another person, and you can't find any other word to describe that emotion.
A word you shouldn't in any way feel obliged to say to someone else, unless you feel it in your heart.
A word you shouldn't use unless you really mean it, and is ready and willing to accept the implications that comes along with it.


Friend:

Someone you shouldn't have to force yourself to be with.

Happy Birthday Melissa (Fung Jia)!!

.take it from the movies.

Been emailing with Mahfuz today.
Started off with me telling him how I was wearing the necklace he gave me in my graduation pics.
I emailed the pics to him.

Our emails suddenly made me think of Before Sunset,
the same movie I mentioned in my earlier post.
Of course I wouldn't be so dramatic (altho some might disagree)
But I can see Mahfuz and I having this conversation...

Or more like,
I can see me yelling these things at Mahfuz, the way Celine yelled at Jesse -

**

Céline: I was thinking...for me it's better I don't romanticize things as much anymore. I was suffering so much all the time. I still have lots of dreams, but they're not in regard to my love life. It doesn't make me sad, it's just the way it is.

Jesse: Is that why you're in a relationship with somebody who's never around?

Céline: Yes, obviously, I can't deal with the day to day life of a relationship. Yeah, we have, you know, this exciting time together and then he leaves, and I miss him, but at least I'm not dying inside. When someone is always around me, I'm like suffocating!

Jesse: No, wait, you just said that you need to love and be loved...

Céline: Yeah, but when I do it quickly makes me nauseous! It's a disaster... I mean I'm really happy only when I'm on my own. Even being alone...it's better than...sitting next to a lover and feeling lonely. It's not so easy for me to be all romantic. You start off that way and after you've been screwed over a few times...you...you…you forget about all your delusional ideas and you just take what comes into your life. That's not even true I haven't been...screwed over, I've just had too many blah relationships. They weren't mean, they cared for me, but... there were no real...connection or excitement. At least not from my side.

Jesse: God, I'm sorry, is it...is it really that bad? It's not, right?

Céline: (Shaking her head with eyes nearly watering.) You know...it's not even that. I was...I was fine, until I read your fucking book! It stirred shit up, you know? It reminded me how genuinely romantic I was, how I had so much hope in things, and now it's like...I don't believe in anything that relates to love. I don't feel things for people anymore. In a way...I put all my romanticism into that one night, and I was never able to feel all this again. Like...somehow this night took things away from me and...I expressed them to you, and you took them with you! It made me feel cold, like if love wasn't for me!

Jesse: I... I don't believe that. I don't believe that.

Céline: You know what? Reality and love are almost contradictory for me. It's funny...every single of my ex’s...they're now married! Men go out with me, we break up, and then they get married! And later they call me to thank me for teaching them what love is, and… that I taught them to care and respect women!

Jesse: I think I'm one of those guys.

Céline: (Yelling.) You know, I want to KILL them!! Why didn't they ask ME to marry them? I would have said "No", but at least they could have asked!! But it's my fault, I know it's my fault, because...I never felt it was the right man. Never! But what does it mean the right man? The love of your life? The concept is absurd; the idea that we can only be complete with another person is...EVIL!! RIGHT??!!

Jesse: (Sheepishly.) Can I talk?

Céline: (Speaking more quietly.) You know, I guess I've been heartbroken too many times. And then I recovered. So now, you know, from the starts I make no effort…because I know it’s not going to work out, I know it’s not going to work out.

Jesse: You can't do that. You can't do that, you can't live your life trying to avoid pain, at the expense of en...

Céline: (Interrupting.) OK, you know what? (Moving her fingers to mock the movement of
Jesse’s mouth as he speaks.) Those are words! I've gotta...I've gotta get away from you. Stop the car, I want to get out!

Jesse: No, no, no, don't...don't get out.

Céline: You know, it's being around you...

Jesse: Keep talking...

Céline: (Jesse grabs her arm) Don't touch me! (Slaps his hand.) You know, I wanna get on a cab...
Jesse: No, listen, I'm just so happy... Alright. Look, I am just so happy, alright...to be with you. I am. I'm so glad you didn’t forget about me. OK.

Céline: No, I didn't...and it pisses me off, OK? You come here to Paris, all romantic, and married,
OK? Screw you! Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to get you or anything. I mean, all I need is married man! There's been so much water under the bridge, it's...it's not even about you anymore, it's about that time, that moment in time that is forever gone, I don't know!

Jesse: You...you say all that, but you didn't even remember having sex. So...

Céline: (Flatly, with resignation.) Of course I remembered.

Jesse: (Confused.) You did?

Céline: Yes! Women pretend things like that. I don’t know…(Laughs.)

Jesse: (Still confused.) They do?

Céline: Yeah, what was I supposed to say? That I remember the wine in the park and...us looking up at the stars fading away as the sun came up? We had sex TWICE, you idiot!

Jesse: Alright, you know what? I'm just...happy to see you, even if...you've become an angry, manic depressive activist. I still like you! I still enjoy being around you! (Reaches out to touch her face, but pulls his hand back quickly, before she notices.)

Céline: And I feel the same. (Laughing.) I'm...I'm sorry, I don't know what happened. I just...I had to let it all out. I...

Jesse: Don't worry about it.

Céline: I'm so miserable in my love life, in my relationship, I always act as... like...you know, I'm detached, but I'm... I'm dying inside. I'm dying because I'm so numb. I don't feel pain, or excitement. I'm not even bitter, I'm just...uh…

**

Before Sunset (2004)

.why the next one? why not me?.

Before Sunset (2004)

**
Céline: You know what? Reality and love are almost contradictory for me. It's funny...every single one of my ex’s...they're now married! Men go out with me, we break up, and then they get married! And later they call me to thank me for teaching them what love is, and… that I taught them to care and respect women!

Jesse: I think I'm one of those guys.

Céline: You know, I want to KILL them!! Why didn't they ask ME to marry them? I would have said "No", but at least they could have asked!! But it's my fault, I know it's my fault, because...I never felt it was the right man. Never! But what does it mean the right man? The love of your life? The concept is absurd; the idea that we can only be complete with another person is...EVIL!! RIGHT??!!

**

I remember listening to Celine saying that in the movie and thinking,
"Yea... That'd suck." (referring to the bolded bits)

I kinda learnt how that felt today in real life.
It's not official, but it sure as hell looks like its gonna turn out that way.

Here's a question though...
See how Celine said, "I would have said "No", but at least they could have asked!!"
Imagine if you would have said YES.

How'd that change how you feel when that happens?
When he chooses the person after you?
And gives the next person exactly what you wished for and dreamt of?
Gave them what you think you deserved?

I thought it was "First come first serve" in these instances?
You know how people say,
"If only I met you first, things would be different?"...

Since when does second place trump first?
Dammit.

ps: To those who knows why I posted this, I'm not saying I WANT to come first. In fact, I'm glad things are the way they are... I just can't help this thought from surfacing.

.livin in denial for a day.

Yesterday was the first day of my Easter break,
and it was one of the most relaxing day I had in a while.

I spent majority of my time at home with Wynna watching OTH,
went grocery shoppin with Sherman and Wynna,
Had a simple dinner at home,
Did a mask - facial, (finally!)
Did some cleaning around the house,
and went to bed around midnight after reading a romance novel in my room...

Doesn't sound like anything huh?

Thats cuz I havent told you the best bits.

While doing all the above,
I intentionally left my mobile in my room.
After all, aside from who was already around me, there wasn't anyone else I could be bothered with.

Ok, that sounded harsh.
Maybe its more like,
I was happily with people who wouldn't give me problems...
And I intend to keep it that way, at least for one whole day.
Becuz I deserved it.
And that was refreshing.

Especially considering my intense PMS mood that's going around,
and the time I have wasted lately on unworthy things.

Sometimes I KNOW I think too much.
But people need to know that my thoughts sprung from legitimate grounds.
From things I know, but they don't know that I know.

At times,
I don't know why I put up with it.
Come to think of it,
It really shouldn't be my concern.
But Im guessing its becuz I care?

... which makes me think,
Maybe I shouldn't anymore.

.leave me out of it please.

As I reminded Selina this morning,
I can be very selfish if I wanted to.

You see,
I can be a good friend when I wanna be.
However, one thing that always throws me off is when I get used as the "scape goat".

Here's the deal -

I'd love to listen to your problems if you don't call it "my fault".

I'd try my best to understand your actions if you're not gonna say "but sherlene said..." when shit hits the fan.

I'd try my best to be there for you if you can own up to the fact that you've brought the mess upon yourself, without any "sherlene was the one" or "sherlene was there" or "sherlene did that before"(s)...

Cuz that pisses me off.

And just to make things fair,
I believe if it really WAS my fault in some way that caused you to do whatever dumb thing you did,
I would make the connection and be apologetic.

But in saying that,
Don't f*ckin take advantage of that.
Cuz at the end of the day,
You have a mind of your own;
And you and I both know, despite you constantly denying it,
my only "true involvement" would be as a mere assurance that you've got someone to blame at the end of the day.

That's so low.

Look, I'll make you a deal.
How about...
I save my advices and hold my thoughts, if you leave me out of it?

ps:
I don't see why I need to change my ways becuz of you.
I don't see why I shouldn't do certain things in fear you would do the same.
I don't see why I need to hold my life back for your good.
I don't see why I should take the blame or feel guilty when you fail to use your brain.

... and don't say I didn't warn you, I can be selfish.
Don't push my limits.

***
How ironic.
Just re-reading this post,
I can already think of a few people who will take this post personally.
And I'm not about to say you're wrong.

.little annoyances.

My day only just started but there are so many small things that are annoying me. I won't be specific becuz steppin' on people's toes would be the last thing I need to do rite now, but what's really buggin' me right now are -

1) People who just wont "let it go".
2) People who are irresponsible, and leaves the shit to someone else to deal with.
3) People who are perfectly normal, who would rather act like a retard.
4) People who are selfish.
5) People who thinks the world revolves around them.
6) People who nags and nags and nags.
7) People who shares their thoughts AND FORCES you (psychologically) to stand with them.
8) People who are too uptight. (despite my reformation)
9) People who just does things to ruin someone else's morning.

Argh.
I wouldnt say I "hate" them,
But aaaRgh!!
SO ANNOYIN'!

.public apology?; take a hikeee!.

So... another day of work is done.
My file is getting fatter.
Selling businesses is soOoo not fun.
Especially when you're given messy instructions.

Thank goodness I'm lucky to have very efficient and hardworking parties in my contract,
rather than have to suffer like Selina, Bec and Abby.
Their clients/other side's solicitor and client are hell.

*hugs*
- and a big pat on their backs when they make it through.


So, its the 3rd day since I pissed Graham* off.

Mind you, I apologised on the same day but he didn't budge.

Since then, he's been ignoring me.

So what did I do?

I ignored him back. :)


(So typical game-on Sherlene)

As far as I'm concern, I've done my part.

But according to Bec, he wants a public apology.
I say, "grow up!"

(Stan would agree with me on this;
and no, I did not say that to his face)

Especially if you knew WHY he got pissed in the first place.

I think he's totally blowing this out of proportion.

When we first started the 'ignoring game',

it felt kinda funny, cuz he was being so deliberate.
You can see how he was trying hard to ignore me.

But now, being the third day of our cold war,
It has turned into a "I don't give a shit - for real" kinda situation.

In fact, we're both beginning to get use to this and even find mutual benefits in our current situation.
Apparently ever since we stopped fooling around so much during working hours,

We both have been on top of our work. :)

I have to say, the feeling of getting work done so efficiently is so satisfying and fulfilling!

My file is ready at all times for the next instructions,

Its all updated and I'm never behind...

Awesome feeling!

But at the same time,

I can't block out the thought that -

"What if this continues, and we just never speak again?"

Hmm.

Question is:

Would that really be such a bad thing?

(Aside from feeling "boo" cuz someone in the office doesn't like me so much that they wouldn't talk to me ever?)

Hmm.

I'll keep u posted on whether we eventually kiss and make up.
Although at this point,
Chances seem pretty slim cuz we've both soOoo much pride.

By the way,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHERMAN!!!

* name changed for privacy purposes.

.early day!.

YAY! :)
Its 2.44pm and we've been told that we can leave work.
I've done all I can do,
so I'm packing me bags baybiee!!

Laterz peeps!!

Nwayz,
Some random thoughts-

1. Elton is such a big baby.
2. I've been getting enough sleep the past 2 nights.
3. My diet is not working.
4. I'm running out of money.
5. I need to get my student work visa.
6. I'm gonna go home and watch a DVD.
7. I'm so excited I get to go home early!
8. Bec is so cute.
9. I need money.
10. Sherman's Birthday soon!
11. My feet hurts.
12. I've got 2 new pimples on my cheek.
13. I'm addicted to listenin to me and Derek's song.
14. I love Indian food.
15. I'm changing my shampoo. No more Herbal Essences.
16. I've been listening to boyband music to bed the last 3 nights.
17. My 'reformation' is still working.
18. I'm actually capable of controling my attraction towards the opposite sex.
19. I can be sooo stubborn.
20. Am I due to be PMS-ing already? Somehow feels like it.

xox

Waterchestnut- A fiasco

The waterchest nut looks like a dry sperm. David Choi is a American Korean. I dont think it will taste nice. Talking to Elton. He told me to fuck the mid program review. Why do somebody like to sing in the bathroom? Does he really need to call? Its just a simple fuck. What wrong with you? Stop screwing around. I rather write a reflective journal for myself than for the PLT. Too much things to reflect in my life. If anyone understands reformasi- thats me baby.

I miss KL. Both sisters and the housemate have the same way of making ppl go away. A girl's butt is their biggest asset. Stop abusing the asset. Why you so academic?

People like me can work at night and u cant. Coz ppl like screwing at night. Its night now.... Nobody wanna screw me. Coz i stop them from doing it-Its reformasi to stop bleeding in love. My nose is bleeding. You are so much better than me. Are you a "filipina".Do you think i sing better with feelings?He like a girl with her fingers move. The way she pick her nose. Like as if no one was there. 2 fingers are better than 1?? Musicians are getting lame with their creativity. Especially with mine.

.fight on.

Another weekend passed.
I'm still not rested.
I had a looong and tiring weekend.
An emotional one too.

Derek left.
*sobs sobs*

Im a capricorn...
(as Lalat said)
I hate changes.

.help.

Im so tired.
Im so tired.
Im so tired.

I shud probably leave some energy/strength for whatever I need to do next.

This week...
I've been totally unrested.
Sleeping on the couch is NOT resting.
And sadly, I've spent too many nites fallin asleep there.

Im so out of it.
My brain has got a new fav. activity.
It does this really creepy sudden 'shut off' thing.
Lasts for a second or two.
I can be walking or standing,
Anytime anywhere,
It just does this sudden "zoOop"...
Like...
.......
.....
...
..
*off*


Creepy.
I hope its becuz Im really tired,
and not because something is growing inside.
And so far,
I've only 'almost' fell over from that momentary shut off twice.
Other times,
I catch myself before I lose my balance.

Talkin about losing my balance,
My feet is still aching from the Soundwave Festival.
My knees are feeling weak too.
Right now,
I feel like a big blob, waiting to crumble to the ground anytime.