.ironic.

I was talkin to Stan last nite.
We went on to talk about Jimmy.
He asked me whether I have ever wanted to get serious in that relationship.
I told him...
"I actually did."

Thats when Stan reminded me...
On the afternoon of the faithful day*,
when Stan and I had lunch together,
He asked me the same question...
And he reminded me of what I replied:

That afternoon, I told Stan,
"I think I'm ready to get more serious with Jimmy."

That was perhaps...
8 hours before the worst moment in our relationship happened.

Thinking back,
maybe its a sign.
I say I wanna get serious,
and God decides to throw me this sign.
As if to tell me, "nooo"...

And the best bit is,
On that faithful day*...
My ex boyfriend was involved,
but my current boyfriend wasn't...

I repeat,
I was in the middle of one of the worst nites of my life,
Both my ex and my current was present,
but the one by my side was my EX.
Not my current.
Not Jimmy.

... I think I see the light now.


*faithful day = the last time Jimmy and I went to a Reiji Dance Party together, which ended up in a semi-major blood bath that I managed to get caught in the middle of, which eventually led to Jimmy and I breaking up.

.my mantra; melanie says it works.

You know that feeling of having something and thinking "Oh Woww"...
Then realising you're not the only one,
and then feeling "ooh.." with that annoying pit-of-ur-stomach feeling at the end?

*nibbles own lower lip*

You know that feeling of seeing something that effects the pumping rate of ur heart,
and having to act like it didn't as much as made you flinch?

*sighs through nose, still nibbling lip*

You know that feeling of trying to box away emotions?
And how you successfully turned ur attention to something else for as long as 5 minutes,
then do a happy dance becuz u successfully NOT thought about it for that amount of time,
only to realise that now you're back to thinking about it again?
- and this time, it becomes twice as hard to re-box it?

*sucks in a gush of cold nite air*

Ok. Time to rebox.
I can't wait till this is over and I can look back at it,
and think... "That was soOo not worth it."

Its ok Sherlene.
You had it when it was at its best.
You know whats there,
and You know how it felt,
and that really was all you expected anyway.
So what if you don't stumble upon a bonus this time around?

And besides,
Be grateful that you already know how it would turn out.
Be grateful that the worst is over and dealt with.
Be grateful that you are no longer stuck in the rut.
And be grateful that now, to you, it is nothing but stale and unworthy.
And getting more and more unworthy too...
So unworthy that it would actually take effort to pick out the goodness in the failed attempt.

At least now you get another go in picking another course.
Realising that this time, it could be a better and healthier journey.
And this time,
You also get to remind yourself to be more careful too.

Yea, soon you'll really see it...
Soon you'll see pass the bitterness of this past.
Soon you will truly embrace this opportunity to free yourself from all the undeserving committments.
Soon you'll see how wrong HE is.
You will.

.my xxxes.

Period may be coming real soon,
cuz the anger is subsiding.

There's so many things that I wanna do at this moment -

x SLeep
x Record a soNg
x Sing karaOke
x be witH Family
x huG sHeena
x See StaN
x Write a story for my otHer blog
x Club
x maKe certain peopLe disappear
x FLirt with randoms
x Cry to release notHing
x taKe a sHower
x FiniSh work
x Have tiMe off

hMm... zzz.

.pms and more.

HATE HATE HATE.

I REALLY DO.

give me one day of rest, please.
just one day free of this shit.
ONE DAY.

..

HATE

There. I said it.

.14/feb/08.

Happy Valentines Day Bloggers!

Selina foresees that my Love Life will be shit this year.
I have a feeling she's right.

Oh wells.
If thats so,
I have no complaints at the moment.
(meaning, I dont care if my love life is gonna be crap)

Maybe I havent met someone I really want but can't have yet.
Maybe then I'd start cursing my bad love luck.

But till then,
Have a great Valentines everyone!

.i hav an addiction.

I have always thought people who has addictions are weak.
I told myself I never wanna be addicted to anything,
(cigs, alcohol, sex, etc)
simply because I didn't wanna be left feeling vulnerable when I can't have it.

Ok, I think I've drfited too far off topic here.
(not to mention, I'm making it sound more dramatic than it actually is..
- then again, I am Sherlene Lee.
People wouldn't know me if I wasn't. *torn* - fake torn.
LoL see what I mean?)

ANYWAY...

I was gonna say, I have an addiction.
And that addiction is to Music.

Seriously.
Only lately it's gotten very noticeable.
I get cravings for certain music...
I fumble on my mp3 player just searching for a particular song.
I get an itch when my music-addiction suddenly kicks in,
and my mind would be clouded by thoughts like...

"I need music!"

"Where's my mp3 player?!"

"I need to listen to that song!"

*fumble fumble with my mp3 player*

"Where is itttt?!"

*shfits through music on my mp3 player*

"Arrrrgghhh!!" *itch itch*

*song appears on display screen*

*heart skips a beat*

"Finally!"

*plays song 254x over and over*

... addiction cured.

SERIOUSLY.

Last week it was Nicole Scherzinger's No Happily Never After
and Kendall Payne's Scratch (thx to Sheena)...
(which left me feeling depressed and confused the entire week)
And this week,
its Chris Brown's With You.
(which has actually brighten me up alot)

Reaallyy dont know if this is good or bad.
Sigh.

.i got there.

Ok. I graduated.

Thats all the time I have to post.

Thanks to those who were there,

and those who tried/wanted to be there but couldn't.

I really appreciate everything everyone has done to help me get where I am today.

You guys know who you are.

xox

.whattaaa...

Im so tired, but as I was taking my shower...
I thought of 3 things I just HAD to say -

1. .... oh shit. I forgot.

Wait...

Hmmm....

(5 mins passes)

1....

OH SHIT.
I RELI FORGOT.

ALL 3 OF THEM!!!
WTF.

.ok - here's my update.

Just thought I'd update.

I just have to say -
I'm so busy its not funny.

*sobs*