.so... which one is the real world?.

im not sure how i found my way to where i am today. its like im running two separate lives... kinda like a parallel universe. i know i've been doing things differently; acting differently, but i am still unsure whether i am at a good place right now.

last week, i felt as if i was at that point where... you know how right before you officially become a "bad person", you get a brief moment of clearness, where you can see both your options right in front of your eyes. you can either take steps back or think 'screw it' and go forth.

i felt like i was there. except, my options were to stay on the track where i can continue being the sherlene who thinks "i'm now 24, its time for me to find someone right to spend the rest of my life with" or the one who thinks "pfft. screw it. i wanna have fun".

so where am i right now? i don't know. but, i do know that i'm smiling alot. so... is this how being on the wrong side of the tracks feel? *shrugs* someday, i may look back at this entry and think, "sherlene, you are such an idiot."

so right now, let me also note right here to whatever decisions i've made recently...

"hey... *wink*"

.getting in touch with mother nature.

so the not-so-in-touch-with-nature gal visited some natury place; a place called 'mt tambourine'. despite being more of the modern-architecture type of person, i had fun. perhaps it was the good company, or simply cuz i always know how to keep myself entertained.

anywayz, here are some shots from the trip... 

i thought the names of the plants were really cute. so i took a couple of shots of them, until i was laughed at: "you know, people come here to look and take pictures of the plant. not the tags. what would you say if someone asks what plant it was?"

so i thought, "ah, here's the bloody plant!"

"now see why i couldnt be bothered with the damn plant?"

.was he for real?.

this convo took place on a sunny day at southbank in front of the brisbane wheel -

*a 40 something year old man walks over to a 20 something year old girl who was standing near the wheel, waiting for a friend*

40: hello.

20: umm... hello.

40: so, do you know anything about the ferris wheel?

20: umm... not much. i know u pay to get on it.

40: ah yes... would you like to take a ride with me?

20: *uncomfortable laugh* umm... no thank you. i'm waiting for someone.

40: ah okay... i work at the conservatorium... *bla bla bla*... i write jazz music.... *more blas*... i was involved when this building *pointing at QPAC* was built...

20: ah... cool.

40: anyway, you just look so cute, i had to come over to say hello.

20: ... oh... thank you. you have a nice day.

*40 something year old man walks away, leaving 20 something year old girl feeling "whatta?"*

.CNY blues.

its the 26th january 2009:

i opened my eyes to a day that feels like every other day.  there were no house-to-house kids-scaring drum beats going around. there were no obgligatory reasons to get out of bed, like having to go to the temple, leave the house by the auspicious hour, visit grandma's house for the first meal of the year...

i crawled out of bed and into the shower, determined to give today a fresher start. i told myself to get dressed anyway, regardless. but once back in my room, i realised... i didn't wash myself with the "cleansing pamelo leaves" and water last night. and on top of that, i've got nothing new to wear. no new clothes, under garments, shoes, anything! does this mean i will be bringing last years misfortunes over to this new ox year?

crap.

i wish i was with the rest of my family. back in kk where i belong. CNY sucks without them. 

on the up side though, today is Australia Day, so in Australia, everyone is celebrating too. (although, yes, they do celebrate CNY to a certain extent) so, perhaps joining the Australia Day celebration would make me feel less out of place?

sigh. oh well. there you go, my first sigh (on my blog) for the new year. have a great one people! i'll hang in there!

xxx

.screaming from the inside.

i pulled out my white board to write a song but ended up spending all my time trying to erase what was previously scribbled all over it. after erasing the whole lot, i no longer felt like writing.

edit: i ended up writing and recording something lame. click here, only if u absolutely want to.

i went to the kitchen pantry to grab my fruit cake, only to find myself sitting on my sofa munching on nacho flavoured rice crackers instead. the rice crackers dont taste very good. i wish i took the cake. sigh.

is something wrong with me or what? am i THAT indecisive? THAT easily bored? THAT clueless to my own wants and needs?

.did someone turn the lights out?.

i dont know where to begin to explain everything that has happened in the past few days. personally, i dont think turning 24 has changed anything much. perhaps it really is just a number.

the past week suddenly feels like a blur. from endless birthday dinners, one after the other, to barack obama's inauguration, to a nite out of wildness and booze, to having something then losing it... my head feels like its still spinning.

but in the midst of the whirlwind of events above, i did however manage to find a person who really stuck to his words, through and through. u see, many people describe themselves without truly knowing whether they're who they say they are, especially when times get rough. but he hasn't disappoint.

"cool as a cucumber" - i think he used that term a couple of times. but on top of that, he's also patient, loving and kind. those are the things he made me feel he could be; and as it turns out, he really is. he went extra milesss to be there for me. he's the guy who would kiss your shoulder and forehead to assure you that he cares. he'd really try to understand when he says he would, even when it means putting his own feelings aside. he'd hold your hand when you're stumbling, put faith in you when you're losing the battle with yourself, and he'd really try when he says he would. and even when all is crumbling, as cool as a cucumber he remained.

... and because of that, i feel even more broken and torn up inside. my heart is constantly playing this game of tug and war, where one moment i feel that i've found what i wanted, and the next, im back questioning things and feeling confused. is it him? it is freedom? is it now?

unfortunately, after a million and one pushes and pulls, reasons and excuses, i find myself convinced of something heart breaking. and that is "i do know how it feels to be hooked on someone. for one, you don't bother with so many thoughts!" - and with that thought, i took a step forward and braved whats ahead.

***

an hour ago, i was in the car with sheena, heading to the airport when i told her this:

"right now, i can honestly say that i'm very sure of one thing about myself... i really have no idea what i want."

.google me.

i think i've mentioned this before, but every once in a while i like to google search my name to see what comes up... this time, i found something rather puzzling. check it out -

WTH right?? i have no idea how that got there!! and how scary is there huh? - u know, it probably doesnt help that im advertising it on my blog now hey? hmm.

ANYWAY... its almost midnight. 11.54pm to be exact. 6 minutes to Selina's 25th Bday. sheensie and i are gonna go set up her cupcake and candle and 1st present. :) catchya laters!!

p.s. - i had fun at dinner/drinks with u guys tonite! [derek, ivan, eudo, fyin, hon fong & sheens!]

***

EDIT:


26th!!!!! JULY!!!!!! KUALA LUMPURRRR!!!!! ooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo......

and congratz to my baby Ronaldo for winning yet another Player of the Year Award!!! xxxxx

.his shirt.

sheensie shared a song with me today. shontelle's "t-shirt"... have to agree with her, it is pretty catchy. [not sure if sheens blogged about this already, but anywayz]

T-Shirt - Shontelle

wonder how it feels to be THAT much addicted to / dependent on / vulnerable / affected by a guy. im sure i was once her. with his tshirt and all. now, where did that 'me' go?

maybe i became less trusting of a guy to be able to look after / guide / support me; or maybe i've just met one too many guys whose shirt i'd rather burn than wear to bed. hehee... i should stop thinkin' about this.

but yea, this song is pretty good. :) kinda makes me wanna wear someone's tshirt to bed. lol.

.while watching the golden globe.

SO derek, selina and my birthday party plans are quickly coming together. saturday @ friday's riverside. should be fun? will keep u posted.

"just another cinderella story" - yep, a chick flick. very teenage in fact. but i really liked it. a big reason could be becuz the guy really looks like c.ronaldo. that got me hooked on the show really quick. also, the fact that it revolves around dance and music. :) - oh, and romance of course.

andrew seeley (ronaldo look-alike?)

anywayz, im gonna shower and sleep. *yawwwwn* btw... my eyes might have an infection. im still coughing and sneezing, my throat is still burning and my eyes are constantly watering. sigh. wish me luck. may i be well, fun and fabulous by saturday night!!!

.a nite for the devils!.

3 points to United for 3 goals at Old Trafford tonite... but the sweetest part of the whole thing is actually bagging those points against Chelski!! :) - we're goin for the title again baby!!! you guys better watch out!!!

ok. time to go back to my routine. its 4 hours pass my bedtime. *eyelids failing*

SLEEP TIGHT MY FELLOW RED DEVILSSSSSSSSS!!!! xxxxx

.energized!.

oh wow... now blogger has the "follower" option. kinda glams up the whole thing huh? specially when u've got 242 followers right off the bat. haHa joking. i've got 1. YES, ONE. - and im content. *hugs her baby sister*

nwayz, i've been making a real effort to turn my body clock around. in bed by 12-1am, and awake by 8-9am, and not becuz of work. :) so far, the true challenge is keeping myself awake. lol cant blame me though, rite? after all, im a person who's totally unfamiliar with "AM" activities...

... with the exceptions of exams periods, work obligations, occasional (and very rare) morning plans, and promises to drive people around...

so yea... a new year, a new me rite?

now, lets bet how long i can follow through. :)

p.s.: anyone with suggestions for morning plans, do shine some light this way!! (and yes, i'm already making arrangements to join a gym)

.all in the head.

so... im losing my voice. nice.

sigh.

but hey, whats ONE set back rite?!

welcome 2009! i'll make sure you turn out to be a great year! :)

.just me, yapping.

listening: gabe bondoc on youtube.

mood: super duper sleepy and dont understand why im still sitting here.

i noticed this year, i seem to be more aware of the lessons i've learnt throughout the past many years. about life, people, friends and boy/girl relationships. the funny thing is, i feel like i've always known these things... but just havent openly admitted or accepted it as a fact.

the even funnier thing is, despite realizing all these things... i make no effort to change. laziness or stubborness, you tell me?

by the way, new years resolution progress updates?

well, i was gonna control my patience, but i failed. was gonna quit swearing, but it has been tremendously difficult and i'm already partially giving up trying. was gonna be less argumentative, but nope, havent been able to hold my tongue at all. normal sleeping patterns? no where near.

i just hope my high energy (despite being severely deprived of sleep) will continue. i'm still feelin very positive about 2009. now i just have to make the most of it.

someone gimme a job!!

.mc's low budget commercial.

hey guyss... (stan, mel, MC and yen jia)

i did it! :) - as promised!



enjoy it babes! sorry i cut so much out... and sorry i spelt PPK wrong in the video's subtitles. hahaa cant really tell anyway rite? :)

stan... COME BACK!!!! weee missss youuuu!!

.days in a nutshell: kinda.

happy new year 2009 my dear readers & fellow bloggers! :)

im almost a week late, but u see, stan just left. that'd explain why i'm blogging again. life has shifted from the 5th gear, back to 1st again. i miss him already.

to those who are here anticipating me and stan's "commercial video", bad news! the video format is not recognised by my movie editor, hence cant be edited. but when i find a good converter, i'll work on it alrite?

oh... this year has been good so far. fast paced, entertaining and rewarding, with just little set backs. :) pictures are on facebook!! all 7 albums of my past few days!! *overwhelmed* sneek peek -

somehow i feel different this year. i feel refreshed. yea, i think thats the word. there's lots of things i wanna work on (about myself mainly). i've also noticed how i've been feeling more independent and even MORE friends oriented. its quickly becoming a strong (very strong) assurance of maintaining my singlehood.

but of course, at times i feel tired too. like now. but i think i just need sleep. sleep before i pump myself up for job hunting. :)

fav pic of the year, so far -