.10pm and already knackered!.

2 nights, 2 different nightmares...

the ones that shooks you and wake you up from deep sleep.

why? why all this mind-unrest? :(

now as a direct result of that,

i havent been sleeping well.

doesnt help that im doing a 48.5 hour week at work either.

my leg is killing me!

but i'm gonna focus on the dollars...

yea... eyes on the prize, gurl!!! eyes on the prizeeeee!! :)

ok, goodnight world!

.scattered dreams.

been having lots of dreams lately. whether i sleep for 15 minutes or 10 hours, the dreams just keep pumping through my head.

i usually don't mind it, but these days, its been too random and... messy? and whats annoying is dreaming about the things i've planned to do that day. 

like, i would plan to go to garden city that day and find myself dreaming i'm at garden city, and doing the things i had planned to do, then waking up and realizing it was just a dream and i actually havent done any of it yet.

its definitely not a premonition because nothing happens the way it does in my dream. but its still bloody annoying.

2 nights ago, i woke up to selina's sms, telling me to grab a bank statement from her room. i then went back to bed after reading it, and dreamt that i went to her room but couldn't find the slip. my whole day went on (in my dream) going from bad to worse.

when i eventually woke up, i felt so tired and negative and down and just mentally drained. 

although i found the slip in selina's room without any drama, and things seem better than it was in my dream, i still fell like crap.

anyone out there who interpret dreams? lemme know what u think.

p.s. ronaldo is leaving united. *sobs*

.cheating in your dream.

so... this week has flown by, like all the rest. again, i got nothing i wanted to get done in terms of job seeking. whats wrong with me? feels like its going beyond simple laziness...

i need to spark that ambitious fire in me again. cant loose my focus. tips, anyone?

anywayz, i had a sudden thought about this:

Is there such thing as 'Dream Cheating'?

#1. is dreaming about being intimate with another guy/girl [when you have a bf/gf] considered cheating?

#2. if no to #1, does waking up and feeling great about the dream make it cheating?

#3. if no to #2, does constantly replaying the dream in your head [because it really did feel great] make it cheating?

and okay... obviously trying to LIVE THE DREAM IS cheating. BUT... 

#4. if the guy/girl you dream about is an out-of-reach celebrity, does it mean doing #1-3 is definitely NOT cheating?

and now, if along with all #1-3, the scenario is also #5 or #6 as below, issit cheating?

#5. if the guy/girl in your dream is someone you presently have a platonic friendship with? or;

#6. if the guy/girl is someone you're only casually acquainted with but whom you find attractive?

cheating? yes or no?

... and okay, last question:

#7. what if the guy/girl in your dream is someone you have a major crush on?... if one does all #1-3 plus the person is someone as stated in #7, is it considered cheating?

***
i know...

one hell of a chain of thoughts.
welcome inside my mind. :)

.a short update.

been having lots of bad dreams, almost nightmares lately... 2 nights in a row now. hmm. i wonder whats up. and its really scattered too... i hope no more tonight, otherwise it'd put me in another one of those weird moods...

and i dont need one of those moods... especially not tomorrow cuz my babe is coming to brisbane to see me!! :) cant wait! we've got the whole day planned out already! (nothing special.. just little things to do together) ... we're watching fast and furious. yay. (yes, i intentionally left out the exclaimation mark)

ANYWAY... will check in with u next time. need to sleep earlier tonite! cheers!

.in the presence of true artistry.

incredible. awesome. flawless. superb. absolutely breath taking. completely mesmerizing. oh, i could go on.

jason mraz is so talented! i could simply drown in the emotions that he effortlessly teases out of me with his amazing vocal talent... sigh. its love at first live listen. :) lol.

Sleeping To Dream - Jason Mraz

***

on a different note,

i dreamt about being with M-L again.

... and i hate it.

i dont mean i hate being with him.

i meant, i hate dreaming about him.

because it robs me of my present happiness.

clouds my mind of my true wants.
blurs the reasons behind the tuggings at my heart.

convinces me of the lies that i could be happiest with him.

turns me into a corny sounding piece of crap.

*breathe*

.time to live out of my dreams.

i need to put an end (for the 192719th time) to this M-L phase... 

although this morning, i actually spent god knows how long living in a dream where him and i were together. (yes, i mean i actually had a dream about him. meaning [in my defense] it was involuntary and subconscious and yarda yarda yarda.)

i dreamt he took my hand under a table in a restaurant where we were having lunch. his touch felt so real. then as i got up to leave, he pulled me into a long and warm embrace.  the odd thing though is when we leaned in for a kiss, he turned away at the last moment with a really sad expression on his face. like he just suddenly changed his mind. he looked somewhat lost or confused... a look i've seen on his face once before (in real life - about a year ago now) when he said something unexpectedly... vulnerable to me... *trying to stop my flashbacks*

To dream that you are holding hands with someone, 

represents your connection with that person. 

Your dream may also reflect anxieties about losing touch with him/her or that you are drifting apart. 

the dream also had episodes that linked to taking showers. both him and i. in my bathroom in my old room in malaysia. SEPARATELY, mind you.

To dream that you are taking a shower in clear, fresh water, 

denotes spiritual or physical renewal or the need to wash a burden out of your life. 

It is also symbolic of forgiveness.

okay. 

time to pack up these mind games/confusions and come back to the real world. because right now, i have someone great in my life. and i will not ruin what i have in my hands for some fantasy that lives more in my head.

my heart should be smarter than that.

p.s. portugal didn't qualify for the world cup 2010? :( nooooo............................

.dark clouds.

right before i woke up this morning, i dreamt i was crossing a street in southbank and saw a dead cat... beside it was a damaged motorcycle and a tarap-head asian old man, bleeding and dead. i then look further and saw another dead cat... and next to it was a dead dog. then i saw the paramedics drive over. they turned out to be friends of mine from my foundation year (2003). they didn't seem to recognise me. - i then woke up feeling like crap.

today has been a bunch of bad news. i received bad news from home (kk). thursday (my day with erwann) isn't happening anymore because of last minute change-of-plans, and i was emotionally hurt by someone's words (although the hurt was mended by the end of the night- to a good-enough extent anyway.)

i'm gonna sleep it off. my eyes are puffy. sigh, work tomorrow.

p.s. don't ever take your parents for granted. call them just to say you love them at any chance you get. don't assume they know. you need to tell them often enough that they feel sick of you.

.over-dreaming.

this feeling has been bugging me all day.

i woke up today, in the midst of a dream. a dream where wynna was falling (not literally) and i woke up before i got the chance to help her. the odd bit was how my grogginess didnt stop my mind from instantly shutting my eyes again, begging for the dream to continue so i can help her.

when it didnt happen, i felt a pangs of guilt and disappointment.

of course i know its a dream. i told myself that too. but the thoughts of that dream hasn't left me since this morning. :( hmmph...

talking about dreams, i've been dreaming alot lately. i mean, real-subconscious-sleep-dead-at-night type of dreams. and i could have 191629 different dreams every night, and wake up feeling like my mind never rested.

am i secretly stressed?
... hmm... nowonder im late. :(

.superstitious-nut!.

im all for that horoscope reading.

on the career/personal development side of things however, last nite i had a dream that i was preggers. the father wasn't the issue, but it was more about me tryin to get rid of it. *im sorry to the anti-abortion people!*

but anywayz, here's what the dream apparently meant:

To dream that you are pregnant, symbolizes an aspect of yourself or some aspect of your personal life that is growing and developing. You may not be ready to talk about it or act on it. This may also represent the birth of a new idea, direction, project or goal.

anywayz, im headin out tonite. :)
laterz!

.a little bit of this; a little bit of that.

dreamt funny last nite. friends with cristiano ronaldo. drove stan's car and broke his car's door handle (or whatever its called). tried to fix it with weird objects like a bowl. dreamt mouzam came over to my house, in malaysia. hmm. odd.

karaoke with the group today. good to see mel and MC again. :) fyin gave me a soft toy. so cute! it was a fun friday nite, altho my vocal chords didnt feel too yeeehaaa tonite.

spent almost 2 hours on the phone with phoon when i got home. (accumulatively) got into another massive debate. actually, it was more like, massive debateS. the ones we use to get stuck in the middle of when we were still going out. funny.

in the end, it wasnt quite solved... so, i guess its safe to say that this is most likely directed to me -

here, in case u cant make out the tiny words -

sigh. i need to switch my body clock back to normal. its 6am and im bloggin. dammit. no thanks to leon!

.subconscious wor!!! (wynna, 2008).

wow. my dreams are scaring me. talk about bottled up emotions -

Free Dream Interpretation : NECKLACE

To dream that you lost a necklace, signifies sadness and grief.

Free Dream Interpretation : ANGER
To dream that you are holding or expressing anger, symbolizes frustrations and disappointments in yourself.

You tend to repress your negative emotions or project your anger onto others. You need to look within yourself. Being angry in your dream may have been carried over from your waking life.

Dreams can function as a safe outlet where you can express your strong and/or negative emotions. You have some suppressed anger and aggression that you have not consciously acknowledged.

***

i was so angry i jumped awake, feeling confused. still angry, unsure whether what happened (in my dream) was real or fiction. :( - im thinkin mayyyybe not gettin admitted this time around affected me more than i would like to admit.

but really, i do feel fine.. hmm.

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