.to shut up, or not shut up?.

*sigh*

Summer school started and left me no time for anything.
Thus, I have been very cranky.
Aside from not getting enough sleep,
I feel as if Im not able to spare time for anything else.

Twice in the last 4 days,
This has been my routine:

1. I wake up at 7am for class at 9am. (and can still be late)
2. Class ends 4 straight hours later, and I have lunch with friends/Groovy.
3. I go home and get changed for work.
4. Then I get home at almost midnite and feel exhausted.
5. I have something to eat, then take a shower.
6. I attempt to study but gives up becuz Im too tired.
7. I fall asleep at 3am, and wake again at 7am.
8. Steps 1 to 7 repeats.

The other two days,
One I had 7am class, then came home and slept till 10pm,
Then I did my laundry and etc.
and the other, (saturday)
I got up at 1pm and studied,
Then got dressed for work at 6.30pm until midnight.

Something BIG happened on Friday nite.
I lost my cool and got pissed at my female boss.
I made it pretty obvious,
cuz I snapped and refused to hitch a ride with anyone,
and walked off to take a bus by myself.

As if that wasn't bad enough,
The next day at work,
I was confronted by my male boss,
and I lost it again and pissed him off.

I just got an email noting some changes that they'll be making on cleaning times and that they'll have more staffs during weekends to lessen the individual jobs,
Which goes to show that what I said did impact a little,
BUT,
That also mean Im in deep shit.

I know I went too far by voicing out the way I did,
Besides,
Who am I to question and correct and go against the authority rite?
And I shouldn't have lost my temper,
Although I did manage to keep up my usual customer service standards.
But I dont know what came over me.
I just went crazy.

But honestly,
Part of me thinks I did the right thing.
Considering all the sh*t I put up with and had bottled up...
It was high time I leashed out.
(and trust me, Im pretty sure Im not the only one with these feelings!)
BUT on the other hand,
I wish it wasn't ME to leashed out and created all the mess.

Groovy said I'll be walkin on thin ice from now on at work,
and I can really imagine how awkward things would be.
He also suggests that I should quit my job.
As much as I wish things weren't this complicated,
A part of me thinks Groovy may be right.

*sigh*
Need to get up at 11am tomorrow,
and its already almost 5.30am.
Bloody group meeting... *sigh*

.have u ever?.

Ever been in a state of mind where you're just too numb to think?
and your heart just feels too numb to feel?

Exam just ended...
And next wednesday is already a new semester for me.
Tomorrow (Monday) would be my last day to party,
cuz I've got a 3:10 - 10:00 working shift on Tuesday.
*not looking forward*

There's a dance party tomorrow.
SHould I go?

Then again, I feel so lazy.
A big part of me just wants to curl up in a ball and be alone.
Im feeling so numb.

There's sooo many feelings that I should be feeling right now,
But all I can feel is numbness.
I dont know if its because of me being tired,
or me being lazy, or me being in denial of whats really going on.

.things ive done so far.

After my exams yesterday,
These are the things I've done so far:

1. Wrote another crappy song.

2. Got offered to go back to Msia.

3. Got MISLEAD into believing I could go home this summer.

4. Convinced my sis to come over for summer instead.
(she's coming!!)

5. Bailed on Groovy. (Suppose to go shopping at DFO with him)

6. WORKED 6 HOURS.

*sigh*

.holding in the excitement.

In 5 hours..
I'll be sitting for my last paper.
Bless Me.

.not seeing what people see?.

I like this top.
But people seem to think differently.

When I wore this top out for dinner once,
Groovy said:
"So which prison did you come out from?"

He was kidding...
But c'mon,
I know better!
Like it or not, 50% of a joke is always true!

Am I really not seeing what people are seeing?

(I know the horizontal lines brings out my roundness,
but lets try to see beyond that...)

But really,
It isn't only this top.

Sometimes when I dress up and feel good about how I look,
People tell me,
"Are u feeling sick today? You look weird."

And instead,
When Im in no-mood at all to dress up,
They tell me I look nice.

???
Am I missing something?

BY THE WAY,
A message to Ivan Lean...
Im not POSING with the phone,
I really was on the line with someone.
(just in case u're still stuck in your poser-fetish lala-land)

.im so tired.

Im feeling soOoo Blue.

ALTHOUGH ManUtd bagged another 3 points last nite,
and Ronaldo was the star again,
Today Im feeling awfully gloomy.

Last night I sorted out my medical law notes for the exams,
and I just realised that 4 days might very well be insufficient for me to cover it all.

I've not done well in the assignment,
and another 20% is yet to be determined based on my tutorial participation.
The exam is 60%...
and so far, I need at least 40% to pass this course.
40/60...
Chances are soOoo verry sliM.

I might as well start crying now.

.a declaration.

Just a sudden urge to say this out loud:

"I HAVE A WILD HEART"

- I am looking forward to the day when I can say,
"Im over it. Its time to settle."
But just a seconds ago,
I realised..
"Nope! Not yet."

*lol* I suck.

.the spot near my left eye.

Here's an update of that "Green Bean" sized spot next to my left eye.
I think it's even bigger than a 'Red Bean' now.

Thank Goodness I have a fringe that drapes right on top of it.
So it would look so obvious that I've got that disgusting spot.
*sigh*


I went to see a doc today.
James forced me.
But when I got to the clinics,
They were all fully booked until tommorrow.
And I dont have time to see them tommorrow,
cuz that'll be my last day to study for my Friday exam.

*sigh*

Then I've got work on Friday night.
Hmm.....
I hope this spot stops growing,
then slowly fades!

.a song for him.

Came across a malay song today,
and suddenly I felt the urge to listen to my old stuff.
I turned on "Dia" by Fauziah Latiff,
and one person came to mind.

My first love.

So... I'm dedicating this song to him.
Its a sad one,
But also sadly, it works for us.

And just in case its not obvious enough,
The (...) are basically the translation of the song.
________

Dia Lyrics
Artist: Fauziah Latiff

Dia insan pertama yang bertahta
Dia insan pertama yang ku cinta
Dia pernah membuat ku bahagia
Dia yang mengajarku
Tentang erti rindu

(He's the first guy I've ever put on a pedestal,
He's the first guy I've ever loved,
He had made me happy,
He was the one who taught me what missing someone meant)

Dia yang dulu pernah ku sanjungi
Pergi seingga kini tak berganti
Hilang dari pandangan hidup ini
Membawa luka pedih tak terperi

(He was the one I once praised,
Till now, his absense is irreplaceable,
I've lost him in my life,
Leaving me with this bitter pain)

Tiada ku dugaPermulaan yang jernih
Menjadi keruh dengan tiba-tiba
Bisa rintangan antaraku dan dia
Cinta terlarang oleh orang tua

(I never expected that our clear beginning,
would suddenly turn so turbid,
The poison of the obstacles between us,
Our love was fobidden by our parents)

Kini terkilan sungguh rasa hati
Dia tak pernah lagi ku temui
Dia ku abadikan dalam jiwa
Terima kasih atas segalanya

(Now I feel a sense of regret in my heart,
I've never met him again,
I'll keep him eternally be in my soul,
Thank you for everthing)
___________

*sigh*

.i think im fine?.

Head injury can be classified as either closed or penetrating.

In closed head injury,
the head sustains a blunt force by striking against an object.
In penetrating head injuries,
a high velocity object breaks through the skull and enters the brain.

The signs and symptoms of a head injury may occur immediately or develop slowly over several hours.

Postconcussion Syndrome

When a head injury is mild, there may be no symptoms except a slight headache, blurred vision or dizziness. It’s estimated that 60% of patient with a mild brain injury can experience "post concussion" syndrome symptoms for up to a year after injury. It’s important to look for recurring symptoms, and see a physical to prevent long-term physical or emotional problems.

Look for these symptoms:

• Headache
• Dizziness
• Emotional outbursts
• Depression
• Deficits in understanding and communication
• Memory loss
• Behavior changes
• Mental confusion

Articles' Link:

• http://www.mclaren.org/body.cfm?id=543
• http://www.healthline.com/adamimage?contentId=1-000028&id=17143&tab=images&series=0&images=5

.i can only hope.

My finger that was caught in the door is better now.
Although there is a permanent buldge where the red box is.
This happened on the 23rd September.
I hope nothing inside cracked.
I hope.

My burn is looking better now.
I dont think it burnt too deep, which is great news.
I think its mainly just the skin that was a little fried.
At least thats what I hope.
Constantly applying moisturiser seems to be helping.
I hope.


My forehead...
Still hurts like a bitch.
Got a scar on it that looks like a little cut.
No biggie... It'll go away. (I hope)
Selina helped me massage the swollen spot,
and then she stuck a 'medicated' cotton on it.
I hope nothing cracked inside.
I hope.


Just for the record,
I noticed there's a maroon dot that is about the size of a green bean thats forming on the side of my left eye.
If it gets any bigger,
I'm getting it checked.
I hope it's nothing though.
I hope.

.something to cheer me.

My mood was ugly today.Especially after I messed another paper today.A paper I've already messed up once before.*sigh*Thank God for this video.

.losing balance.

I dont know what wrong with me.
I feel so clumsy.
Everywhere I walk, every turn I make,
I feel as if I'm either falling over,
Or I actually do knock into something.

Its getting me very frustrated...
Once again, I'm crawling into my own little hole,
and wishing the world would disappear.
Im losing balance, both physically and mentally.

I hope this is just all in the mind.

.and the injuries continue.

I smashed my face on the door today.
Not really the door... But the side of it.
See the blue line in the pic below? THERE!
And it was seriously FREE FALL.
My arms were not quick enough to support me.
So my entire weight went smashed on the door,
FACE FIRST.

How it happened:
Well... cuz Sheena is leaving back to Msia tomorrow,
She took out her travelling bags.
And becuz her room wasn't spacious enough,
she left it outside our doors.
(Her door is right opposite the bag)
(The bag is the RED figure in the picture)

ANYWAY, the open door is my room.
(clearly... with Ronaldo on the door)
The pink line was where I was walking out from.
(the toilet)

SO basically, I was walking out from toilet,
and the lights were not on.
It was PITCH BLACK.
And as u can see, the light's switch is located right above the bags.
So before I got to the lights,
I tripped on the bag,
Both feet got caught so I had nothing to keep my balance,
and from there,
I just went slamming down.
And thats when my face smashed on that blue-lined area.

In the pic below,
You can see the bruise on my foreheard after the face-slamming event.This is how it looks after lots of ice and a hot egg.
(you know how people put hot boiled eggs on bruises?)

The blue line on the next pic, on my face, shows where my face was hit.
The swelling on my cheeks and chin were not that obvious.
Although now...
I can still feel the burning sensation.
*sigh* - Shows how flat my face is huh?


Thank God it wasn't an inch closer to the right.
Otherwise my nose would have been smashed.
And I dont have the money for nosejobs.
*sigh*

Whats wrong with me...........................
First I slammed a door on my left fingers,
Then I burnt my right arm,
Now I smashed my faceee........
What's next?!
My legs?!

*ouccccchhhhhhh*

This is how it looks 2 hours later:
(a golf ball is forming on my forehead)
- and the swollen eyes are from lots of intense crying.

.please please please.

James gave me a few pointers on how to manage my burn.
I've already did a few wrong things,
But I've tried to make up for it.

Please dont leave a mark... :(

.bad day at work.

I burnt my arm on the crepe machine's hot plate today.
*sobs*

.u're in if you're a fan of Man Utd.

I was never a fan of Puff Daddy, P.Diddy or Diddy.
(who is essentially the same person)
But for the first time,
I like him.

Why?
Cuz he's an MU fan.
*whOO hoOo!!*

Glory Glory Man Utd!

By the way,
Check out Ronaldo's hair this way.
Isn't that cute?!
(clearly not asking the guys)

.football on halt.

UEFA Champions League (Group F)

FC Copenhagen v United

Date: Wed 1
NovKick off: 19:45 GMT
Venue: Parken Stadium
Coverage: Match Tracker / Live Radio

Squad: Van der Sar, Kuszczak, Brown, Ferdinand, Vidic, Silvestre, Heinze, Evra, Lee, Ronaldo, Fletcher, Scholes, Carrick, O'Shea, Richardson, D.Jones, Rooney, Solskjaer, Smith.

Too bad...
Its not on TV.
Instead, SBS chose to play the Arsenal match instead.
*sobs*

Tonite,
Chelsea v Barcelona is on at 5.30am.
SBS.
I dont think its live though.
*wanna kick day-light saving in the butt*

Queenslanders are so left out!!
*sigh*

There's an EPL match this Saturday.
Man Utd v Pompey... 2am kick off.
Then I've got an exam at 8.30am the same morning.

*sigh*

You know what the scary bit?
Last year,
I watched the Chelsea v Man Utd match just before an exam too,
and I failed that paper.
(eventhough Man Utd won)

And you know what?
Im retaking that failed paper this semester.
And coincidentally...
Thats the paper I'll be sitting for after the Pompey match.

O.o

I knowwww.....
It's likeeee......
"Haven't u learnt your lesson yet, Sherlene?!"

*sigh*
Life's tough...