.celebs at uni!!.

oH my Oh MY...
Am I lucky or what?!

I went to uni for a group meeting yesterday and bumped into someone.
And that someone isn't just SOMEONE.
They were HOLLYWOOD STARS!!!

Matthew McCougnahey and Kate Hudson!!!!
OH MY GOD!!! haHhaaa....

APparently they were there filming a new movie.
I love seeing them together!!

One scene, they had to kiss,
and it was soO sweeet!!!

Thank God I have the habit of bringing a camera everywhere I go!
SEE!!?
U NEVER KNOW WHEN U MIGHT REALLY NEED IT!!
*lol*

I also took a video! haHaa
Check it out!!
THIS IS SO COOL!!!!

*laughs cuz Sheena is so jealous*
HAHAHAA!!

Cant really see them in the video...
But this was basically the set.
All those people who are cheering are Extras.
It was funny how the director called out "ACTION"
and everyone started cheering...
Then as soon as I heard "CUT"
The noise was gone. *lol*

It felt so fake!
I wonder if I would feel it when I watch the movie.
haHaa then again,
I guess thats how making movies are suppose to be.

But I met Kate and Matthew!!!
WOO HOOO!!

22nd Birthday Pics!

.me singing on youtube.

I should be doing my assignment,
But I took a break to upload a couple of videos on YouTube.
They're just videos of me singing my crappy songs.
Thought it'd be fun to have it up,
and open to the public to diss.
HAHA...
Then again,
little smart me had disabled automatic comments.
So yeaa...
I still hav the power to reject any comments that are TOO nasty.
(before it gets to the public's eye)

*keKkeke*

Link to the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFtzx5RbC4s

.geeee.

OOhhH....

16 minutes to my 22nd birthday!!

.ASKING TOO MUCH FROM ME.

If you dont already know,
Im "sorta" famous for one thing...
(Actually, its not that Im famous for this...
Its just, people loves paying too much attention on this aspect of my life)

But as I was saying,
PEOPLE sees me as the type of gal who changes boyfriends like toothbrushes.

(Note: I said toothbrush, because its not something you change every month,
but something u perhaps change more than once a year?
Thus, when compared to boyfriends,
it could be considered a bit too much)

ANYWAY...
My dilemma at the moment is this:

Have you ever hooked up with someone that your close friends/family has already labelled "A Bad Idea"?

Most of you, Im sure you'd say yes.

How about,
Have you ever hooked up with someone that your close friends/family has already labelled "A Bad Idea" - More than once?

Some of you would be too afraid to say yes,
and if you're one of those persons,
DONT READ ON.

But if you know what I mean,
and you totally understand how it feels to be in my shoe,
I've got another question for you:

When the relationship ends (for whatever reason),
I guess its only natural for the people who warned you to say,
"I knew that was gonna happen!"

And since it isn't the first time,
You would naturally feel embarrassed to show your true emotions in front of them,
and furthermore,
Knowing that they would worry,
Wouldn't it only be natural for you to put on a strong face and convince everyone (and yourself) and you're capable of moving on just fine??

And another question is,
Eventhough you have gone through this situation more than once,
(and people would probably say "I told you so")
Does that NOT entitle you to be depressed about the break up??
Are you seriously expected to be able to cruise through the break up,
and on to your next conquest??

Well,
From how I see it,
(and IT IS a biased view point, seeing that I am a party to this mess)
The least I can do for others to make up to the fact that my relationship had in fact, like they warned, failed;
is to try my best not to make them worry about me,
By trying my best to be able to control my level of depression when I'm with them,
and try my best to be normal around them.
NO?

Then comes that point where a person decides to push all your wrong buttons,
and threatens to peel down the wall of your genuine attempt to make everything better.

You start hearing things like,

"We just dont understand why didn't you listen in the first place."
"We already told you that it wont work out."
"We dont want to see you like this."
"He is my friend, I know him more than you do.
When I said he is wrong for you, you should have listened!"
"You got into this relationship knowing it would end this way!"
"Why do you always get yourself into these messes?"
"You know that touching the pot would burn you, but u touched it anyway!"
"This is not the first time! Why dont u ever listen?"
"Do you see what your problem is?!"
"How many times do you have to go through this to see whats wrong?"
"You've done this so many times, it is only natural for me to take it lightly!"
"I can't see you like every other person who breaks up because you've inflicted this on yourself too many times!"
"You should be fine after experiencing this so many times!"

and above all,

"We dont want u to ACT like you're all happy because that worries us!
We would rather you show your true emotions instead of putting on an act!
If you want to be happy, we want you to be REALLY happy! Not Acting!"

Well,
What can I say to all of the above??

Am I totally out of my mind to feel strangled?
Am I unreasonable to feel as if I dont know what to be in front of others?
I didn't want them to worry,
Therefore I only allowed my despressed emotions to surface when Im alone.

In fact,
THEY WOULDNT EVEN HAVE KNOWN THAT I WAS THIS DEPRESSED
If I wasnt the one who SAID that I am actually depressed!
(and I only DID admit my depression because of the above statements)
Cuz all this while,
I've been trying to hold it together because I didn't want others to worry.

And YEs,
My temper has been (at times) Awful.
And my level of patience is very low...
And I know I should probably hold myself together MORE in order to hide these feelings,
But is it really that WRONG if it shows once in a while?

Is it because I've gone through this so many times,
I do not have my entitlement to be sad after a break up?
To have mood swings?
To be in bad moods?

I HAVE MOOD SWINGS EVEN WHEN IM NOT GOIN THROUGH A BREAK UP!
Why do people become SO MUCH MORE judgmental because they expect me to be a PRO when it comes to handling a broken heart??

WHAT DO THEY EXPECT FROM ME??

And I know this isnt what they think,
But I HAVE A MIND OF MY OWN to realise that the relationship everyone had warned me against HAD in fact FAILED,
and I should not put any extra pressure on ANYONE because I brought this upon myself!
Thats why I've been trying to handle this on my own...
ButI just feel like they're not even giving me that chance!

I DO NOT WANT TO TROUBLE ANYONE.
I CAN AND WILL HANDLE THIS ON MY OWN.
JUST DONT EXPECT ME TO BE PERFECTLY FINE.
IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK????

And if you're worrying about me,
TELL ME...
TELL ME WHAT I CAN DO TO END YOUR WORRIES.
BECAUSE I HAD NO INTENTION OF MAKING ANYONE SUFFER FOR MY MISTAKE.
SO TELL ME...
WHAT CAN I DO??
HOW SHOULD I BE??
HOW SHOULD I ACT??
WHAT SHOULD I SAY???

I've been going out like normal,
Talking like normal,
Watching tv and eating dinner,
And shopping for my party,
and have been having normal conversations,
FILLED with laughter and fun and OK-ness,
WHAT MORE CAN I DO???

And mind you,
This is the FIRST time I had openly broke down since the break up.
And MIND YOU AGAIN,
It has only been 5 days since the break up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT DO U WANT FROM ME?!

IM NOT EVEN ASKING FOR YOUR SUPPORT OR YOUR SHOULDER TO CRY ON.
I DONT EVEN NEED YOU TO SAY "ITS OK. YOU'LL BE FINE."!

I know how it feels to have to deal with a person who's got never-ending recurring problems.
I know it would suck for those people to have to deal with me all the time,
especially when in their minds,
I had brought this upon myself.
THATS WHY I HAVENT GONE TO ANYONE.
AND I DONT NEED ANYONE.
JUST AS LONG AS YOU LET ME BE.

Burnt once, shame on you,
Burnt twice, shame on Me.

I KNOW THAT.
THATS WHY I KNOW BETTER THAN TO TROUBLE ANYONE.
SO LET ME BE. PLEASE.
WHY CANT I EVEN GET THAT?!

Its not like Im locking myself in my room,
and crying and sulking and not eating and etc!
I HAVE BEEN NORMAL FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!

AND NOW YOU WANT ME TO ASSURE YOU THAT MY NORMALCY IS IN FACT "GENUINE" NORMALNESS?!
ISNT THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK???

.surviving just fine on day 4.

I felt a lot better today.
Last night,
I managed to catch up with a few friends from home,
and chatting with them made me feel heaps better.
The good feeling lasted until now,
So it's got to be great rite?

A few minutes ago,
I was dancing in my room to Paris Hilton's "Nothing In this World".
Can't help but like her songs...
They're so nice to dance to.
haHaa...

I've been posed with a difficult recurring question lately.
(from more than one person)
They all sound something like this:

"What do you want for your birthday?"

haHaa...
How do you answer something like that?
Especially when I dont know what I want either.

Well except...
I want a date with Ronaldo.
I want to visit Manchester.
I want a massage.
haHaa...
How does those things fit into a box huh?

But anyway,
Im pretty glad my birthday is coming along.
Im gonna be 22.
Shytee...
*lol*

Today,
Groovy called.
We kinda talked like normal...
In some aspects,
It felt like we were still a couple.
Cuz we were telling each other about things that happened,
and etc, like how we usually do.

Sigh.
He asked me out for dinner tomorrow nite.
Honestly, I dont think its a good idea.
I guess we'll just have to wait and see how that comes along.

Im gonna study now.
Ta!

.surviving my break up: day 1 to day 3.

It is officially "Day 3".

I survived 3 days of being out of my 6 months relationship.
In fact, today was suppose to be our 6 months anniversary...
I didn't think about that until now.

*feels a pain cut through my already-broken heart*

I went to work today.
It was great to be out of my room,
and away from people who knows and cares about my break up.
(not that I do not appreciate those who cares)
I managed to work a 5 hours shift without breaking down.
Although when my boss asked and I told him,
I couldn't fight the sudden urge to fall apart as tears attacked my eyes.
I didn't let the tear fall though...
Deep breaths helps alot.

Im pretty determined to follow my "One Day at a Time" Plan to get over this break up.

On "Day 1",
I spent the entire day alone,
Crying, watching DVDs and skipping meals...
ooH, and not forgetting the old trick of listening to sappy broken-heart songs.

On "Day 2",
I got up and instantly pushed out the bad morning-after feeling.
I took a shower and dressed up.
Met up with Ivan and went shopping.
I got myself the earring I had always wanted,
and also bought myself a new purse.
The new purse was my indication of a new start.

It also helped that I was with Ivan,
Cuz naturally, from bottling up so much terrible emotions,
My mood became CRAZY.
I lashed out on Ivan MANYYY times,
(Trust me, You dont wanna be him!)
But because he was such a dear friend,
He just sat back and allowed me to punch and hurt him.
*sorry Van.. but thx for being there*

On the night of Day 2,
I allowed myself to let lose after a whole day of trying to "hold it in".
Again, I drown myself (and Ivan) in another round of tears.
That same night,
I allowed myself to speak my true feelings.

"I wanna call him.."
"I miss him..."
"I wish we didn't break up..."
"I waNt him back so badly!"

I also went out to seek advice from a friend whom I knew would understand.
I told her how much I regretted the break up,
and after I told her why,
(because there is a good reason why I should in fact regret)
She affirmed me that I HAD in fact made a wrong move.

Eventhough she supported my regrets,
(which would supposedly make me regret even more)
I couldn't help but feel much much better that someone understood how I truly felt.

At the same time,
It made me stronger and more determined to stick to the way things are.
I am not going to turn back.
I'm standing strong on this path,
and shall continue walking on.
(I know its weird how a girl's mind works)

Then again,
Despite the toughness in those words above...
That same night,
I allowed myself to hug Groovy's t-shirt to bed.

Today is "Day 3".
I had lunch with Ivan and talked about things that kept my mind off the break up.
I had lots of chocolate to boost my mood,
and then went to work and enjoyed the neutral company.
I didn't get time to drown in self-pity or sit around and mope.
So that was good.

Currently...
Im in my room.
I complied a list of sad songs,
and again,
I'm rewarding myself for being able to keep it together for another day,
by allowing myself to be drown in my loneliness with sad songs.

It may sound sad,
But it is really relaxing.
Bottling up feelings aint good...
Avoiding the pain isn't good either...
So while Im alone in my room right now,
I should be able to be true to myself and my feelings.

Cuz only if you're willing to deal with it, will you eventually overcome it.

Yea,
Thats gonna be my motto.

ps: Ronaldo scored another goal for United,
and won the Player of the Month award AGAIN.
That was a real mood lifter.

Man Utd 3 - 1 Aston Villa : YAY!

.i can make it through the rain.

Through The Rain
By Mariah Carey
BestVideoCodes.com

There's only 3 reasons why I listen to this song.
And they're all usually linked...
Dont be deceived by the video clip,
My life isnt that dramatic.

But the whole reason why this song means so much...
Well, its really the inspiration coming from the lyrics of this song:

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid
I hold tighter to my faith
and I live one more day
and I make it through the rain

http://www.lyricstop.com/t/throughtherain-mariahcarey.html

Currently...
I really need that inspiration.

I'm heartbroken.
Very much heartbroken.

.hangovers are a bitch.

For the first time last nite,
I overdrank to the point that I threw up several times.
It was terribleee.....
In fact,
Im still suffering from it right now.
Talk about major hangover.

Im regretting everything I drank last nite.
Lets go through the list:
(thinking about it still triggers my nausea-ness)

I started my night my a glass of Vodka Red Bull -


Then I had a pint of XXXX Bitter -


Then we left that pub to a friend's house for dinner,
and upon arriving there,
I was poured a glass of Gin and Tonic -


My glass my refilled after that.
So make that 2 G&Ts.

After that,
They opened a bottle of Galliano.
This was tasty...
Cuz it had vanilla ascent.
Thus the commencement of my 1028292th mistake of the nite,
I took 3 shots of it -


From there,
I was 80% gone...

After all the above,
I remember taking a big sip of Groovy's red wine,
and tasted this green ginger-ish liqueur...

*feels like puking*

I've puked 4 times since then.

IM NEVER DRINKING THIS MUCH EVER AGAIN!!!