.not the cheeriest end-of-year post.

its the last day of 2009 - and as predicted, 2009 was a surprise.

i met love.

despite that, never would i have imagined my year ending this way. two paths. one - a happy dead end. other - another round of scraping myself off the ground.

someone said to listen to myself. do what i want to do, so there would be less room for regret. but what if, what i want to do will clearly lead to a dead end? for what i'm fighting for holds nothing more than short-term emotional satisfaction? ...and inevitable future misery?

***

sometimes i wish "being realistic" is the silly option. after all, its love that we're dealing with. sometimes... i wish heartbreaks are like... stomach aches. take a pill and its gone. sometimes i wish i could close my eyes and find myself exactly where i know i should be... no where else than in those arms i've grown accustomed to.

i know my dreams are fading; and will someday be lived by someone else. and all i can do is hope that one day, that thought will stop tearing my soul apart. after all... so i heard... "sometimes you love, you learn... and you move on... and it's ok."

they forgot to mention how it doesn't hurt any less though. :'(

sigh... at least i know this is the last time i'll be crying this year.

to a new year, my friends.

stay strong.