July 7, 2006

.trying not to care.

At the moment,
Im stuck in a phrase...
A phrase where my heart just feels like it needs to release itself from all source of pain.

In simple terms,
I wish I could let go of all my emotional attachments.
The purpose?
So I wouldnt need to feel any heartaches or disappointments.

Its terrible when you feel hope,
and then watch that hope die...

With guys... With friends... With the people around u.
Then there's Portugal and the World Cup...
and Ronaldo sometimes being a dick.
You know,
If I didnt care that much,
I probably wouldnt feel a thing right?

Does anyone just wake up every morning,
and live their lives without worrying or caring about anything?
Would that really make them happier?
Or... just emptier?

Is empty really that bad?
At least you dont need to suffer emotional set backs.
Thats good right?

But issit also true that without sadness,
You wouldnt know what happiness is?

In that case,
If I were to let go of all sadness, disappointments, set backs, etc,
Does that mean I'll be giving up happiness as well?

Then again,
If I make sure I'm easily content,
That'd ensure me SOME level of happiness right?

But is setting that level of minimal happiness also setting myself up to a certain degree of hope?
Would that then put me back to square one?
Where I develop 'hope' in something,
(eventhough it could be mininal)
But its still not achieved...
Would my heart then break all over again?

I guess one can't simply run away from the down sides in life.
At least I tried.

Time to get dressed for work.
This sucks.