April 9, 2006

Moving On or Not Moving On?

Its been a week since my last entry.
I wouldn't say lots have happened,
But lets just say...
My feelings have been swish-swoshing.

Last nite I attended MYSA's makan makan nite.
It was fun. Its always fun to be around people from home.
I met up with Terrence there.
It was my 2nd time seeing him...
We hung out.
After the thing,
Terrence and my friends walked to the city.
Selina decided to catch a movie with Cyrus,
Brian met up with Lalat,
So Terrence and I decided to go for drinks.

Terrence took me to a pub.
Main reason was to play pool while being able to have a couple of drinks.
It was pretty...
Never been there.
First times are always interesting.
The pool tables were all occupied.
So Terrence bought us drinks and we drank away.
Feeling a little tipsy,
Terrence and I started dancing.
It was fun...
I'm getting to know him better,
And so far, it's been nice.

At around 11.30pm,
We met up with Selina and Cyrus,
And we all took the same bus home.
I dont know,
But the feeling was pretty warm.
Selina and Cyrus,
Me and Terrence.

Where's this gonna go?
Im not sure I know yet...
Don't really know for sure what I want.
Would like it if it can remain this way for a while.
Just so I have more time to decide whats best for me.
I wonder if Terrence is willing to go on this taking-it-slow ride with me.

As for Shaz...
I can't deny that he still plays an important role in my life.
Little things about him still effects me.
Like yesterday when he missed an important tute.
I was so pissed, I was beyond words.
He smsed me today...
Said he's got something to pass to me.
I dont know whether to be happy or sad...
Not even sure if I'm ready to shut this chapter of my life.
The thing is, I WANT TO.
But the real question is:
"Can I?"

The thing is,
"Shutting this chapter" doesn't mean Shaz aint a friend anymore rite?
I can still show my concern and still talk to him right?
And I still can be there for him rite?
(Provided he would look for me when he needs someone)
Cuz I happen to know that Shaz is in a pretty lousy state at the moment.
Not becuz of our break up,
But becuz of his personal stuffs...
I know he's suffering, and I SO wish to be there for him.
Its so hard to tell myself that I need to stay away,
Specially when all I wanna do is offer him an ear to listen and perhaps a warm hug.

But doing so,
Would that only put me and him back to square one?
Does this also mean I shouldn't be mingling with other guys while I'm still at this state of confusion?
Then again,
I'm pretty sure that my feelings for Shaz AT THIS VERY SECOND is nothing but wanting to be a friend to him.
*sigh* (again)

Am I thinking too much?
.... Argh...
But I'm only human!

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