April 2, 2006

A Day At A Time...

Last Thursday... 30th March.
I went to Oxygen's Ladies Night at Family.
I went with Lalat, and met up with Mike and his friends there.
The same night,
I met James for the first time.
It was a fun night out.
Although I had class the next day at 2pm,
Taking that night out helped relax me.
And I really needed that.

Last Friday... 31st March.
I attended class.
Shaz sms-ed me in the morning.
Reminded me to bring my umbrella becuz it was raining really heavily.
That small gesture touched me.
Specially cuz Shaz and I haven't spoke since a few days before.
We had this long talk...
(not another 7 hours, dont worry!)
That talk actually made me realise a couple of things.
Not gonna be blabbing them here,
But lets just say...
It helped me let go a little more.

When I got to Uni,
Shaz was around the park...
He waved at me, and we both walked to class together.
It felt a little awkward on my side.
Dont know why.
I hate feeling that way around Shaz.
I guess I'm just too use to being open and comfortable with him..
And it hurts to feel this way when I'm around him now.
After all,
He was once my Shaz.

That same night,
Bernard called.
We talked a bit,
Then I agreed to meet him at the city.
We window shopped a little.
It was casual... It was fun.

I called Terrence on my way home.
He was at the casino when I was at the city.
I had thoughts of catching the bus home with him.
But I was a little too late.

Last Saturday... 1st April, Yesterday.
It was April Fools day.
Pulled a couple of pranks on friends/housemates.
Was fun.
Only Terrence managed to trick me.
In the afternoon,
I went out for lunch with Mouzam.
At Wintergarden, we bumped into Shaz and his friends.
I thought it was a little weird,
Altho we both just greeted one another casually.
Mouzam and I then went for a few games of pool.
He was great as usual.
Its always fun to watch him play.
We talked alot too.
Mouzam don't usually talk much...
But today was different.
Conversations flowed...
It was a great feeling.

Called Terrence on my way home.
(Cant make this a habit!!)
Had thoughts of having dinner with him...
Since he stayed at Sunnybank,
and my bus had to pass by his stop anyway.
At the end,
It didn't happen.
I guess Fate isn't a friend of ours.
That reminds me of me and Shaz.

I got home and spent an hour on the phone with him instead.
Talked alot.
Was fun.


I dont know where all this is leading.
Kinda feel like I'm taking each day as it comes.
Not really knowing what direction I'm headed.

I recently downloaded Pearl Harbor's OST...
The instrumental stuffs.
The sad melodies just made my heart ache.
Listening to them made me think of... Shaz.
With those thoughts,
A really sour feeling swam through my heart.
Each time I feel that,
I tell myself that soon I wont feel it anymore...
Which would mark the day I really move on.
Then again,
Deep down,
I realised...
Part of me doesn't wanna let go of Shaz.

Despite my realisation,
My frustration,
My insecurities when I'm with Shaz...
I can't deny how great it felt to be with him.
To be his.
To be loved by him.


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