April 11, 2006

Still Sighing

Just so u know...
Despite this being a "blogging" place,
I don't really blog in here.
This place has kinda turned into my journal or diary,
whichever way you wanna call it.
(Im not sure at what point, but it doesn't matter)

If you're not in the habit of reading other's diaries,
You're simply not interested in reading anything too "emotional",
You may exit here.
Seee? I even linked you to a very useful (and common) site.
You can thank me later.

Lets get back to my usual stuffs.
I was chatting with Terrence a while ago.
Chatted about the usual stuffs,
Nothing too serious.
Which is good.
See... The thing I really like about what me and Terrence have is the fact that...
He's just getting to know me.
What I say or do RIGHT NOW is what matters.
Not what I've done in the past.
It's much more relaxing that we're still in the "first impressions" bit of things.
Not having to be afraid of what he already know,
Or what he might have heard about me before.
In simple words,
I like the freshness.

By the way,
My past isn't really THAT bad.
Its just...
I admit I wasn't a saint before,
But whats out there is really a more scratched up version of things.
Trust me, it's getting further and further away from the truth.

Hmm... I've got a sudden thought.
If its just the freshness that I like...
Would it matter if it was or was not Terrence?
Does that mean,
Terrence isn't the main issue?
And its more like,
A new guy in my life, ANY GUY, who doesn't already know Sherlene Lee would give me this same feeling of 'Freshness'?
I guess that goes to show that I'm just not 100% certain about Terrence yet.
AND thats not wrong, rite?
After all, there's no rush in these things...

Leaving those questions aside,
What really made me wanna "blog" tonite is actually something to do with Shaz.

Old habits die hard.
Yes, I still visit his Friendster site everyday.
And every single change on his profile,
I would notice.
Then again, its really not that hard.

This time,
Shaz wrote about moving on.
Specifically about him telling his friend to move on despite still loving that someone.
Saying he should let go and let her be with someone new...
But then,
he ended by saying he shouldn't have told his friend that...
Reason being,
becuz his friend was hurting at that time?

It made me think...
Is he just trying to say its not as easy as it sounds?
Is he just talking about his friend,
and he's saying he shouldn't have been so blunt with his friend cuz his friend is hurting,
which means it has nothing to do with him?
Is he putting himself into his friend's shoe,
Saying its harder than he thought...
which means,
He still loves me?

............... argh............
I think too much.
Whats my point anyway, rite?
Its not like anything is gonna change...
If he isn't talking about me,
So what?
And if he is talking about me,
And if he does still love me,
Then what?
There's no point, rite?!

Closureee.... I need closureeeee....
Or maybe I just need to stop my brain from thinking.
Just for a minute.
Or I might explode.

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