I've spoken to quite a number of people about my current predicament.
And they've all directed me to the same path...
The path (of life) where I shud continue walking - alone.
Undeniably,
He still has a hold on my poor heart.
Which is expected...
Otherwise I wouldn't be feeling this confused.
Truth be told,
I wasn't happy enough.
I knew that!
Yea, we have tons of fun when we're together.
But that shouldn't excuse him for the times when he made me feel insignificant, rite?
You know what my problem is?
I'm suffering from a disease.
A disease very similar to the "battered woman syndrom"...
(emotional wise)
Over and over,
I've been disrespected and humiliated,
Emotionally toyed with...
(one moment I feel like I'm all he wants,
the next I'm back feeling like I'm not good enough)
Placed through series of doubts and (justifiable) insecurities,
Made to feel like a temporary parking space before a better one turns up,
Mislead with hopes and empty words...
Why havent I voiced out about all this?!
Sadly,
thats cuz the above always gets striked out by...
1) him, showering me with praise and loving words.
2) him, telling me, I'm what he wants in a long term companion.
3) him, telling me, he's officially telling his friends that I'm his gal.
4) him, spending all his weekends with me.
5) him, telling me he likes me soOoo much...
WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO THINK?
Hmmm...
Friends make the choice seem so obvious.
But deep down,
I can't help feeling that maybe they dont know enough to pass judgement.
Afterall,
Who'd know the relationship more than the 2 persons actually IN the rship rite?
Then another word pops up...
DENIAL?
*sigh*
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