.victim of my admission.

i recently admitted that i get defensive in arguments very easily, and tend to argue defensively a lot.

now, disregarding the efforts i feel i've been putting in to change this 'habit', tell me, do i at least deserve a little benefit of the doubt that sometimes i may actually be arguing 'properly'?

because it pisses me off that now, as soon as i say something in an argument, it automatically becomes, "ooooh... sherlene is being defensive again! thats why she's not backing down!"

but what if i really disagree with something thats being said?

can i not say something without people thinking i'm taking things personally and being defensive?

AND ON THE OTHER HAND...

honestly, where's the wrong in saying something to defend myself when i actually do feel the need to speak up for myself?

NOW, be honest... reply as anonymous if u want, i promise i wont do an IP check. please tell me -

am i just being defensive again? or are people using my 'defensiveness' to judge my credibility and to simply overule my words without merits?

aaaargh!!!

p.s. i hate it when people refuse to open their minds to the fact that their words actually ARE OFFENDING ME, and use "you're just being defensive again!" as a way to make me feel stupid for feeling offended when any so-called "non-defensive" person would have felt offended anyway!

.cheating in your dream.

so... this week has flown by, like all the rest. again, i got nothing i wanted to get done in terms of job seeking. whats wrong with me? feels like its going beyond simple laziness...

i need to spark that ambitious fire in me again. cant loose my focus. tips, anyone?

anywayz, i had a sudden thought about this:

Is there such thing as 'Dream Cheating'?

#1. is dreaming about being intimate with another guy/girl [when you have a bf/gf] considered cheating?

#2. if no to #1, does waking up and feeling great about the dream make it cheating?

#3. if no to #2, does constantly replaying the dream in your head [because it really did feel great] make it cheating?

and okay... obviously trying to LIVE THE DREAM IS cheating. BUT... 

#4. if the guy/girl you dream about is an out-of-reach celebrity, does it mean doing #1-3 is definitely NOT cheating?

and now, if along with all #1-3, the scenario is also #5 or #6 as below, issit cheating?

#5. if the guy/girl in your dream is someone you presently have a platonic friendship with? or;

#6. if the guy/girl is someone you're only casually acquainted with but whom you find attractive?

cheating? yes or no?

... and okay, last question:

#7. what if the guy/girl in your dream is someone you have a major crush on?... if one does all #1-3 plus the person is someone as stated in #7, is it considered cheating?

***
i know...

one hell of a chain of thoughts.
welcome inside my mind. :)

.disappointing day.

well, to be fair, its currently only the first half of the day... but the amount of disappointment i've felt has made me just want to crawl in bed and wake up tomorrow. [with hopes that it'll be better than today]

i guess the whole world now knows that united put up a very weak fight against barca this morning in the UEFA champs league final this morning. i felt its the result of making wrong decisions from step one. *cough*anderson*cough* but oh well, gratz to barca. a truly worthy opponent.

after the match, my guy called and i snapped at him because it sure didnt take alot for him to irritate me that morning. my mood was like piss (like wee wee) after the match, mainly because it didnt suffice to swear at my players, so i ended up complaining about puyol. [sorry barca fans, i HAD to blame someone!] 

ANYWAY... not grasping the "never defend your girlfriend's enemy; i'd rather you shut up" concept [especially when she's obviously just venting her frustration], he told me not to attack puyol for united's loss. granted, the phone conversation ended very abruptly.

i then rushed to my staff meeting in the city, dreading the $6.00 + 2 hours travel for just a one hour meeting. not to mention the pain of carrying around a low mood in a very tired body.

when that was over, i texted my poor bubby and told him i'm sorry for snapping at him. no reply. when i got home half an hour later, i texted him again to ask if he was doing anything today and if i could come over to hang. no reply.

another half hour later, feeling all remaining energy sucked out of my body from watching endless youtube videos, i texted him to say i wont be coming. he then called. apparently he had fallen back asleep after the match. he told me to come, but i truly couldn't find the energy to. (mind u, he lives on the gold coast, 45 minutes drive away) so the conversation again, ended awkwardly... and again, i'm left feeling down.

anyway, in the midst of my melodramaticness... i found a few movies that i've decided to watch aaaand i'm gonna share them with you [the link takes u to their trailer on youtube] -

• obsessed - starring beyonce knowles.
  
• the ghost of girlfriends past - starring matt mcconaughey & jen garner
• the ugly truth - starring kathetine heigl & gerard butler

.lucky lucky me.

another great weekend with my dearest... :)

with minimal arguments, lots of laughs and lots of fun. he bought dinner and cooked up a "gratin" for my family on monday night, which was awesome. he also made me eat salad, which really wasn't that bad. :) major brownie points!!

my baby also had fun at garden city that weekend; drinking up another large bubble tea and shoppaholicking. 

bought himself a pullover and a new pair of jeans... and we both kinda realized we're beginning to become a memorable couple at a few stores/shops... i guess thats kinda nice?

oh... also, lets not forget.

he got me a 4 months anniversary gift.

check it -

so speechless...

but, me likey. :)

ps: im in no way complaining (or showing off), but hey, this is my 5th purse (as a gift from a loved one) this year... whoa. but awwww.... im so loved!! :)

.words are all we have.

currently playing:
thank you for loving me - jon bon jovi

***

her: i feel i can do anything, make any face or look like crap and you'd still like me. i'm so tempted to dress myself as ugly as possible and see how you'd react.

him: try it babe. you'd probably make me laugh. and i always like how you make me laugh.

**

him: if you're lucky, one day you'll find someone who will love everything about you.

her: maybe one day is now...

*

her: babe, we've came such a long way. who knows, if you weren't leaving,  (fake dramaticness) we probably would've lasted foreverrr and eveerrrrr... 

him: (serious tone) i think so.
her: *speechless*

***

hmm...

in case u're worried for me,

(that im fallin' for a guy who's leaving.. yarda yarda yarda)

don't.

as much as i feel i'm truly getting hooked,

we got into another argument less than 24 hours after that conversation.
whether on purpose,
i don't know.

but it'll probably do me good, hey?

.too much of a good thing?.

today on the bus, listening to my mp3 player, i found myself associating every love song with him. 

it was a good feeling having thoughts of him fill my mind completely. very rarely does that ever happen. usually, with every different love song i listen to, the different lyrics would automatically bring a different guy to mind. but not tonight...

after a few tracks, i started to panic. simply cause i know i CANT let him be all i think about. especially when my poor heart is on the line. 

so here is a reminder to myself, in case i've forgotten:

"he's leaving in october. for good. so don't get too attached."

yup, duly noted.

p.s. here's something that'd sound more like myself -

see,

that personal message i left on msn...
i wasn't referring to him :)

*dramatic suspense music plays*

.why is it always about guys?.

here's a popular question directed to girls, particularly me:

"why do you always talk about guys and/or relationships?"

despite popular belief, its not because my life only revolve around that topic. rather, its simply because guys/relationship is a topic that i think is guaranteed to create conversation among people, especially with my fellow female counterpart. 

why? because i find its a topic that anyone can easily relate to or has a story to tell (whether of someone or themselves); because it encourages responses and opinions from whom you're conversing with; because its a topic that would spark interest in most people because they can easily find an interest in the matter.

ie: if the topic is 'men', guys would wanna say something to defend their race, while girls would wanna share her story about how she also can't seem to figure out some guy even in a completely different scenario.

its a topic that encourages discussion. you need opinions. you need them to respond. and in their response, they have to fish into a more personal side of themselves. at least a little.

sure, politics, the economy and current affairs will win you smart/sophisticated/knowledgeable points. but unless you're speaking to someone with the same passion and level of sophistication for those topics, most others will be scratching their heads and/or yawning. (on the inside, at least) - and as far as im concern, these smart people hate talking to idiots who gives them stupid responses.

sure, personal interests and hobbies like animals, sports, charitable doings and etc can strike up awesome conversations and find you a new friend. might even score you some cool/nice points. but again, you need to find someone with the same interest or it wont work.

sure, bitching and gossiping is fun... but trust me, its less fun listening to bitching and gossips when you don't know who the bitch/gossiped person is. and you cant contribute if you don't know. and again, trust me, standing around and only saying "yea, thats bitchy" isn't considered much of a conversation. PLUS, u have to be careful when bitching and gossiping! it is after all, a veryyy small world!!

on the other hand, talking about the weather, about your career goals and plan, and talking about random topics like whats on sale at Woolworth or where to get the best chicken rice are topics that wont last for more than 5 minutes.

HENCE... i personally find that talking about relationships encourages longer and more entertaining conversations because everyone gets a go, everyone could have differing opinions, everyone will have a different experiences, everyone can agree or disagree and explain why, everyone may learn something useful from others, everyone would mostly be talking about themselves thus leaving less chances of offending others...

and THATS WHY I TALK TO PEOPLE ABOUT THIS MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE...

BUT, thats just me. feel free to disagree. :)

.happy 4-months-since-we-first-met anniversary.

our 4th month anniversary... 

we had a good weekend together. but like always, with lots of ups and downs. one moment we're laughing, the next we're arguing up a storm, then we're back to being all huggy & cuddly again. :)

we had lots of fun moments together though... those including the few times he said "i love you" by impulse when i did something 'amazing'. lol the both of us also out-noised a birthday party table of 8 during our anniversary dinner. he was very proud of that. i also met his boss and colleagues that night. im still hoping i made a good impression.

we then went shopping and told the sales girl at tarocash (ashley) that "we don't do love" when she made a comment about us being blinded by love.

tell you what he loves though... *rolleyes* [clue: picture below]

xxx