June 15, 2008

.when do you become the bad guy?.

im not talking about the distinction between killing a person and giving to the needy. i'm talking about the smaller things... like, for example, you are blessed to have a car. you own a car, and you are in the position to help other's out.

help = you have the means to...

1. drive people to places they cant go to by public transport;
2. help people transport big items of goods that cant be transported by hand + public transport;
3. help people drive heavy groceries home;
4. drive people home at nite when its late and scary and cold out;
5. etc.

we all know that being able to be there to help others for the above makes you a good guy... but what happens when -

1. you have prior engagements and you can't be at two places at once?;
2. you've promised to do the above, but people change their plans on you, without informing you because they assume your whereabouts, and that puts you in a less comfortable position to help?;
3. the situation is as simple as you not being in the mood to assist?

and let me just throw this in, how much more complicated is it when -

1. people rely on you to do the above and you know it?;
2. you feel obligated to help becuz they're your loved ones?;
3. you know that you're the only one who can help with the above?

when do you become the bad guy?
which act, as listed above makes you the bad guy?

and what happens when you are able to convince yourself that you're not wrong, but you drown in guilt anyway? and if you do not feel guilty, does that make you the bad guy?

and what happens when you know you can't confront becuz you know that person can turn this against you, to make you seem like the drama queen of all this, when you know deep down, they did feel disappointed, but do not wanna admit it?

and what happens when you are forced into situations where people make you choose between family and boyfriend? say, you can either help family or boyfriend. which?

... how about if you do all the above, but you end up bitching about having to do it? does THAT make you a bad guy?

... and what if you tell yourself, "ok, just do not put yourself in the position that people will ask you for help."... now that makes you the bad guy, no?

... what if you post in your blog about something like this, and now people feel weird-out to ask you for help, does that make you a bad guy?!

im so tempted to take drastic measures.
maybe i shud give up the friggin' car.

i just hope people understands/realises that i DO wanna help, and i am TRYING MY BEST to help. i just can't ALWAYS be there eventho i have the means to... and it would be nice to not feel like i've failed someone or caused pain and suffering to a person becuz i couldn't make it that one time.



۞ D! ۞ said...

start putting a gas donation box in the car. problem solved.

James said...

it's not just the car; we all encounter such moral dilemmas in everyday life in various situations and scenarios.

don't chastise yourself because:
1) people who matter would understand
2) it doesn't matter how people who don't matter feel, does it?

keep your car and let those around you understand the intensities of what's happening within you :)

iCalvyn said...

I am always the bad guy among all my friend, bad guys more lucky...