March 4, 2006

We've Come to the End of the Line

I spent the whole day with Shaz.
Yea, I know I wrote in here earlier that we broke up.
But since the break up,
We have been staying in close contact.
We still talk on the phone before we go to bed,
and we still SMS each other when we feel like it.
We also have lunch and go shopping sometimes...
Things between us have been complicated.
At times, we act like we were still a couple.
But at the same time,
We pass comments reminding each other that we're just friends now.
Then again,
We hold hands when we're out shopping.
Whats that about, rite?

Yesterday... well...
I guess u can call it the LAST day.
Cuz Shaz and I finally decided to draw the line,
and put our decisions into action.
As in,
If we're gonna break up,
We need to start acting like we've broken up.
So... We're gonna stay apart from today onwards.
No more calls before bedtime,
No more lunches or shopping trips,
No more drives to Gold Coast,
No more kite flying and picnics at the beach...
It's time for us to move on.
WITHOUT each other.


Now I'm in my room...
Remembering that last time I saw Shaz.
Feeling kinda hollow,
Knowing that he wouldn't be there anymore.

Just now I argued with Selina...
As usual, it was about something completely dumb.
I guess I was feeling pretty emotional,
So I overreacted to something.
But anywayz,
After the argument,
I wanted to call Shaz soOoo badly!
To cry, to complain, for comfort, whatever.
What made it worse was listening to Selina on the phone with Cyrus.
I can imagine how good that must feel...
So get into an argument, and have someone to call to vent.
*sigh*... My heart really does feel sore.

I spent my whole day reading.
Reading into the boring world of Legal Theories.
Can't help wanting to call Shaz to remind him to do the tute work.
But I know I can't... and that feeling sucks too.
So I told Zara to call instead.

Why do things have to be this hard huh?

But I'll get through it...
I know I will... simply because I know I have to.
Shaz is just another guy.
A guy I'd look back to in 5 years and say:

"Yea, 5 years ago I dated this really sweet guy. He'd do anything for me, and he's always there when I needed him. He spoils me completely. Makes me feel like a princess. Altho we love arguing with one another about petty stuffs, and he's got quite a big ego sometimes, he's definitely still one of the best guys I've ever dated. I've never been so comfortable with anyone, its amazing how I can so open and honest with him. TOO honest sometimes. *laugh* The stuffs we do together, they were the sweetest. Picnics, walking around my neighbourhood at nite, sitting out on the porch under the stars and jez talking, taking millions of pictures everytime we're together, playing football, recording our voices as our mobile ringtones, dancing and singing and laughing... I wont forget. I really won't forget."

Yea. That's what I'll say.

No comments: