.experience; good or bad?.

I had this convo with Stan earlier...
About how I think being "experienced" in the dating department actually does a person no good.
Perhaps the grass is always greener on the other side...
But being from the "experienced" side,
This is my version of things -

People thinks the experience would give me a clearer picture of what kinda guy I'm looking for.
I don't think so.

People thinks the experience means I have more opportunity to find Mr Right,
rather than sticking to the first guy who comes along and try to make do with what you're stuck with.
I don't think so.

SEE...
The truth is...
The more you date, the more unsatisfied you'd become.

You pick out things you like in each guy you've ever dated,
and try to find someone who would fit all those small things...
Well, News Flash!
That guy doesn't exist.

Its bad enough when you have one ex boyfriend to compare your current guy with.
Imagine having 5 or 10.
The current guy is 100% doomed to fail.
Becuz there's always gonna be at least one ex who "did that better than my current boyfriend".

Then you realise,
"Ok, I can't expect to find a guy who would fit all the things I want"
(things I want = all the great characteristics I've collected from each ex)
So you tell yourself,
"Some things have to go."
(which means I should compromise = settle for less = unsatisfied)

Then there's also the issue of...
Which "great" characteristic should go?
And which should you be able to tolerate?
Either way, it's a lose lose battle...
Cuz you'd always want what you've given up.

Another thing that's bad about dating too much is also...
Each time you date someone new,
You give less.
You're less inclined to invest feelings/times/money into it,
especially if the guy shows certain characteristics, resembling an ex.
Whether it's becuz you're afraid of being burnt again,
or you think you know better (cuz you're "so experienced"),
Becuz you, Ms Smart Ass, thinks you know everything,
You tend to push away any chances of really seeing this new guy for who he is.
You know what I mean?

Now...
From dating so much,
You're bound to have at least ONE relationship that didn't end in your favour.
The relationship that leaves you thinking,
"Things would've been great if we were still together. He was perrrrfect!"
Truth is,
If they did stay together,
Things would've probably gone really bad,
The Mr Perfect wouldn't be perfect anymore...
But the relationship never got to that point,
Hence you're left to wonder.
And 99% of the time, you'd imagine it going really great if things had continued.
So any future partners you have would be compared to this "presumed" great relationship that was fortunate/unfortunate to have never taken place.

Often times,
These relationships are the short ones...
The short ones where the couples were still in their honeymoon period,
but something 'went wrong' and they broke up.
So... whats left in memory is how great it was and how great 'I think' it would always be.

Another assumption people have is...

They think the experience means that once you've settled, you would have no reason to cheat anymore,

cuz you've already 'experienced' more than enough,

and curiousity (usually the main reason to cheat) would be minimized...

Well... not so true.

The thing is... we all know that EVERYONE is different.

If you feel some sorta attraction for a person,

Whether its becuz of their looks or something they did/do/said,

It doesn't matter that "I've already dated someone from South America before" or "The way he argues remind me of xxxx" or "His smile reminds me of xxxx"...

He's a different guy.

Different guy = Different experience = I wanna go there. Period.

And Lastly,

What I think is the ULTIMATE worst thing about "experienced daters" are...

If they get into the habit of hopping from one relationship to another.

I've already mentioned "giving less"...

and when you give less,

Relationships become easier to get out of.

And what happens is,

Everytime things go bad, you would -

1st: Compare him to an ex, thinking "xxx would never have done/say that to me."

2nd: You'd think, "I can find a better guy. I always do."

3rd: You'd feel, "Its not like there's much to hold on to in this relationship anymore" (result of not giving alot - hence, not feeling much of a loss)

4th: A new guy waltz around and you think, "he seems different."

5th: You hop on to the new guy, enjoy the first 2 months together, thinking he's perfect...

Then after the honeymoon period is over, you realise he DOES have some similar "bad characteristics" of an ex and you smart-assly think you know how it'd end,

or he shows you a NEW bad characteristic, and you start comparing him to an ex who didn't have that, who now appears to be more better than your current guy... which then makes you, AGAIN, wanna move on becuz "you can find someone better".

SIGH.

Shit.

Elton's gonna be here in 10 minutes and I'm not dressed.

Laterz!