one of my close male friend is getting engaged. im left with mixed feelings about the news. of course im happy for him... but whoa... engaged. looks like things really are changing. [is this what everyone calls growing up?]
despite that, despite feeling maybe its time we all think about the big "M" word, i still feel nauseas at the sight of an engagement ring on my finger. even a 2 carat diamond can't change my mind. [proven fact - i just experimented at work today.]
sigh. i hope i'm just being a drama queen about this; cuz i'd hate to learn that all this while, i never had the marriage gene in me. u never know huh?
i've been living my whole life according to what my culture/family/society expects of me... who knows, maybe deep down, if i could ignore all those external influences and expectations, i'd learn that marriage really just isnt for me? *scary thought*
BUT until then, i think i do want to get married. eventually. just not yet.
besides, who doesnt want to have someone to have and to hold for better and for worse right? [no, i'm not being sarcastic!] and yes, i know. meeting the right guy will change everything. so i guess we'll see...
i do want someone i can completely fall on to and trust that he'll catch me when i fall. someone to fight the world with. someone to hold my hand through life... so yea. see? i do want those things. and i love diamond rings! so who's to say i can't get married right?! :) :)
p.s. u know how i've been going on and on about being happy with my beau? well, i still am - but lately i find myself thinking about M-L alot. self defence mechanism perhaps? sigh. i'm so screwed up; heck! even i wouldnt marry me!
p.p.s. dammit ronaldo!!! $80m!! and sleeping paris hilton?! WTH.... *disappointed*