May 27, 2006

.The Devil in SMSes.

Another tiring day.

Today I went window shopping for a sweet World Cup outfit.
Was kinda lookin for a Portugal women's shirt,
or best yet, a sweater.
Couldn't find any.
There was Portugal's men's jersey,
but nothing else. *sobs*

I did something rather silly last nite.
For some reason,
I missed Shaz alot.
Really wanted to see him.
I typed an sms...
Intending to send it to him,
Sounding dumb and very much vulnerable,
Telling him I needed him...

Fortunately I caught myself right before I sent it.
The devil and the angel inside me was really battling it out.

"Should I?" or "Should I not?"
"What would happen if I sent this message?"
"How much more complicated do I want this to get?"
"What would Shaz think of me?"
"How would I make Shaz feel?"
"Selina would kill me."
"Everyone else would kill me."
"Why the hell am I so stupid?!?"

At the end,
I was convinced...
I settled for:
"Okay. Lets just try to make it through tonite.
And then, when you wake up tomorrow,
We'll see how you feel and we'll decide then."

So I saved that sms in 'draft'.

Today is officially the night after.
How do I feel about that sms now?

Cant deny it.
Part of me still wants to push that send button.
Part of me really do still want Shaz.

Just for tonite,
I'm deciding that I'll keep that dumb sms in my stupid draft,
And try to make it another night.

Its just winter.
Its only just cold.
I dont need Shaz.
..... do I?

Shaz just SMS-ed me!
And the content of his sms...
I can't tell u.
Lets just say, its scary.
He's reading my mind.


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