.Fun. Is that all I think about?!

Ever been in a situation where u see a wall in front of you,
but u still ram urself against it?

Placing that context in a more practical sense,
Have u ever been in a situation...
where u clearly have a choice on which path to take,
but u decide to walk along that path that YOU KNOW would lead u to a dead end?
Well, sometimes not a dead end,
but definitely an end that isn't good.

Is that how some people seek temporary happiness?
You know,
Like... they make that choice becuz it makes them happy at that moment,
and tell themselves that they would deal with the consequences of their actions later.

Isn't that also what people call Immature?
Is that what I am?
Or am I just another one of those idiots who are so called "risk" takers.

Hmm...
Then again, it really isnt a risk.
For something to be a risk,
there has to be at least 1% possibility that the choice made would end up good.

There's no goodness in the choices I've been making lately.
There're all merely for temporary happiness.
*yay... Its official. Im a loser*

Worst part is,
Now I dont even know what I want anymore.

Would stuffing my head into this pile of assignments make the confusions go away?
Would they erase the consequences of my bad judgements?
If so, what happens after Friday when my assignment week is over?

Currently,
I'd say...
I'm right in between the stages of being in denial and going tru a reality check.

DENIAL ---> ME <--- REALITY

argH crap...

And by the way,
I can officially announce that I have committment issues.
I dont know why,
But I cant seem to make myself settle down.

I KNOW I KNOW...
I'm not suppose to settle,
or I dont need to settle cuz Im only 21.
But that doesn't mean I have the rights to go around,
playing with feelings, my feelings and others',
rite?

But... In my defence,
there are people out there who just wants to hangout and have a good time right?
No strings attached, that kinda thing. Riteee?

But... if thats the kinda person Im gonna be...
What would I do if one day I happen to stumble upon someone I really like?
And that someone writes me off becuz he thinks Im just fooling around,
and having fun?
Worst yet,
Imagine he's also a non-committment just-here-to-fool-around freak too?
And I accidentally fall for him...
But he shoves me away,
telling me, "sorry babes. the fun's gone. now get outta da way!"

oH... and u know what people would say to me?
"HEH... KARMA!!!"

Yea. That would stink.

So... whoaa...
I'd say thats a pretty in-depth look into the future if I do happen to choose the just-here-to-fool-around type of life.
But still, I dont feel myself wanting to back off from that world.
The world full of singles, that are just there to flirt and have fun.

See what I mean about the wall?
You're all watching me ram myself unconcious into it!