October 13, 2006

.blue, yellow and red.

Reminder to myself:

Everyone should be able to relate to this.
This is a typical scenario involving BLUE, YELLOW and RED.

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Have u ever been in situations where a friend comes to u when they're upset,
(sometimes not obviously upset,
but they're perhaps "bothered" nonetheless)
And they start telling u things...

Then... as the 3rd party in the situation your friend tells you about,
You're able to be the rational one.
As in,
You try to consider both sides,
and come up with reasons why so-and-so happened.

You tell your friend what u think.
(wrong move #1)

She/He gets even more pissed.
And slowly,
The conversation takes an odd turn,
Making it become a problem between You and Him/Her.
She/He starts attacking you personally.
(at least thats what you'd naturally feel like they're doing)
And what you do..?
You get all worked up,
and pissed in return!
(wrong move #2)

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So basically you're BLUE, and they're RED.


Ok... from there it gets tricky.
What happens then is you walk away,
and you find another friend to confide in. (Yellow)

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And YELLOW, being the 3rd party would start evaluating the situation from both sides.
And this is where the problem is usually resolved.
(or should be resolved)
Cuz this yellow would reason with you (BLUE),
Gently reminding you that it started with the 1st person (RED) being pissed.
And the only reason why RED pissed u off,
Is becuz they're pissed.
And ULTRA-SENSITIVE when you guys had the talk.

And basically,
When a person is Ultra-Sensitive,
They dont think rationally.

Everything you say to them which isn't a sign of you agreeing to what they're saying would feel like an insult or an attack or a means to tell them that they're wrong.
It doesn't matter if you're being reasonable.
Therefore if you're not telling them they're right,
or that you feel sorry for them,
You're better off not saying anything!
Because it wont help.

Thats what I need to remind myself.

Some people, when they're upset, they just need others to listen.
So if you dont agree with what they said or did or think,
Bite your tongue and leave your comments for another time.

For now,
Focus on the fact that your friend is upset,
and You need to be there for them.

And there's only one way to do that:
"Stand on their side!"

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(Its not even necessary to say anything,
so dont worry about being a hypocrit.)

So yea,
After tonite,
I'd say:

"Lesson Learnt."

(altho I cant promise that the next time this happens,
I'd be able to so quickly rationalise my behaviour and responce.)
I guess thats why there's always a need for YELLOW.

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