August 15, 2008

.a short chapter closed.

jason and i ended things today. i'm fine, and i think he is too. things are better this way. i thought of many different ways on how to blog about this. most came out too casual, while some were too honest. so i sat around and gave it more thought. finally deciding that despite my feelings still being quite jumbled about the whole thing, i thought it's only respectful if i made this a serious post, rather than a one-liner followed up by discussions of the weather. the relationship may have been short, but it was quite eventful.

diving straight into the heart of the matter, its funny how its only when things go down the drain, we begin to pick on the little things that really has always been there, but we were too "into-it" to see (or admit) as a problem. jason said it was the first few months' adjustment period, and we both went with that for a while. i guess now its safe to say we failed the 3 months make it or break it period miserably.

i liked calling what jason and i had "our beautiful mess", a slight modification from a jason mraz' song. maybe that wasnt a good sign for the relationship huh? i thought it was sweet. then sheena dedicated us a song. jack johnson's "better together". i remember listening to that song alot; it always made me more optimistic about the whole thing. even when we're arguing like mad, that song would somehow remind me that whatever it is, jason and i are better together. i guess the power of music has its limitations too. but looking back, i did enjoy how we shared lots of songs together. the song somehow captures our moments and keeps them alive each time the song plays. our very first was just surrender's "so close/so alive" i think. hmm.

a good thing that came out from tonite though is me realising that... well, lets just say, for the past months, i've been doubting my ability to make decisions for myself; but tonite, i learnt that when it comes to BIG decisions... i'm still on the dot, and i pride myself for that. :)

u know, becuz we're so different, and as much of a conformist that i am, i'm glad i did not lose myself through the journey of trying to see things from his side of the fence. (which really is quite different, to my surprise) although, yes, i listened to less rnb music and more acoustic, i dont seem to enjoy boy band music anymore cuz ive been convinced that their music has gone through too much quality-fixing-machines and they lack soul cuz most dont pen their own lyrics, i dont club (by choice) anymore, and at one point, i even thought that i wanted an NDS, convinced that i can love gaming too. lol... :P

but those things aside, i do appreciate him bringin jason mraz onto my playlist, making me more open to experiencing different events around brisbane, and also opening my eyes to the fact that some people really do have a completely different way of life, whether i am able to understand it or not.

anyway, some girls would hate to learn that i am now back in the single-and-free world again. haha jokes! i didnt get out of this one to jump straight into another trapped door! especially during this rapid transition period that im in, a men-drama-free life would be big help. my mind should really have its focus on fixing my career. - although, i wouldnt say i'd fan off potentials if they do come along... HAHA just need to start working on my multi-tasking skills yo. :)

alritey. bed time. and if he's reading this, about the request of remaining friends; im not gonna say ok as if i really dont mind. fact is, our relationship had just broke; although no one was really "dumped" or "left behind" (just thought i'd clear that), feelings were still hurt and disappointed or we wouldnt be here today. upon that, i dont see it necessarily to cushion things with declarations of everlasting friendship, although i promise i will not withhold my friendship if our paths happen to cross again in the future.

till then, take care.


Anonymous said...

i am sorry to `read` this. now u can go send love to the guy i showed u earlier, is oskar if u dont know his name by now ;)

take care ;) ;)

.lennie.sam.lee. said...

lol thx singyee... i appreciate the comfort-pack. u're so cool, giving me guys to make me feel better. HAHA...

but nah, he's urs. ^^ hahHaa! good luckk!! ;);)

mr jp said...

Thanks, that was very well written and it made me smile a little. Thanks for the memories :)

someone who cares said...

hi hi. let's gang up on guys who breaks heart!

.lennie.sam.lee. said...

lol hey... how about we gang up to toast to guys who couldnt keep us instead! ;)

mr jp, :) cyaz around.

MsMusicJunkie said...

ngawww.>< lol
"you'll find a always do" hahaha.. now we can focus and have fun at p!atd and GIRLSSS dayout and hangouts without having to feel bad! yeeehaaa! bear paw sistersss yo. lol

(hahaha, i cant believe i chose not to be mean.lucky lucky peopleeee.)

.lennie.sam.lee. said...

i think sheensies got plans for us tomoz!! ;)