October 14, 2008

.double life.

i need to stand up for myself more.

[im sure some friends' eyes would pop when they read that; afterall, sherlene is quite the outspoken and self righteous dominating prick, and is all about being a smartass who thinks she's always right: ouch.]

but seriously. those who knows me but doesnt know me enough, wouldnt know how certain things go down in my personal life. truth be told, i find myself getting pushed around and taken advantage of by those dearest to me alot. with them, i find it the hardest to say no.

i think the reason for this unnatural power deficiency is because i feel the need to be there for everyone who needs me, coupled with the disease (or 'ability' as optimists would call it) to think and rationalize both sides of a story a little too much; resulting in 98% of the time, i find myself too weak to dismiss my version of their story that i had filled with convincing reasons to trust them. this then leads to me submitting myself to their demands.

somehow despite my bitchy exterior with the rest of the world, (ouch again) where it matters most, i suffer the consequences of not being strong enough. and sadly, when i do rise to the occasion, i then find it necessary to punish myself by drowning in a series of guilt trips.

i dont know what will become of me if i do toughen up, but i also dont know what would happen if things continues this way. i do need a balance, but i have no idea where to start. maybe a bit of self awareness on their part wouldn't hurt?

... on a different note, this horoscope reading came in today -

... soulmate vs bedroom buddy. hmm. toughie. ;)


jamez said...

I kinda know how that feels.. :(
Well, the brighter side is that you don't have a 'label' on you like i do. :P Haha. That horoscope thingy can be pretty misleading.. ofcourse the bedroom buddy!!! j/k. I'll always stay on the soulmate side and the type to remain faithful, but just not right now :P. So do the thinking...who you really are. :)

I definitely can't say much but a few words of care, Cheer up k Sherlene? :)


Anonymous said...

I RESENT that!!!!
Do you listen to me - No
Do you get pushed arnd by me - No
Are you too weak to stand up to me - No
Do you trust me - ... hmm...... hmmmmmm.... No ... hmmm... No.... well.. mayb.... hmmm...

Its not standing up for yourself..
Is knowing WHEN to do so.... idiot..

ps: I just saw the "read what Ivan has to say part" +_+

.lennie.sam.lee. said...

aw... thx jamez. :) im alritey.

ivan lean just assumed he's one of those dearest to me. aww. :P

Anonymous said...

bitch...... =_=


.lennie.sam.lee. said...

lol :) i love u buddy.

Ah_Mike said...

Mmm....bedroom buddy...I like...:)

.lennie.sam.lee. said...

lol mike... are u merely expressing interest in the matter or actually offering? ;) haHa joooking... :P

Ah_Mike said...

lol I like the idea of a bedroom buddy service :) but nah, too far la ...you come back to KK then we see how la haha :P